This week, my deviant little celebrity whores, I'll be filling my cocktails with a different kind of ice. You see, here in my Times Square Howard Johnson's cocktail lounge, I'm just spittin' distance from the latest publicity stunt by "magician" David Blaine. Davey, fulfilling the legacies of both Harry Houdini (in terms of death-defying escape stunts) and Anna-Nicole Smith (in terms of shameless attention grabbing), will be frozen in a six ton block of ice and placed in the middle of Times Square for several days. (He'll be unthawed just in time for his ABC special on Friday.) David claims that the trick is performed by having a thin plaster cast placed between him and the ice, though rumors on the Internet magic circuit (a scary circuit to trip upon, believe you me) have suggested that hot air will coalesce with his sexy, publicity-loving body to protect him from freezing to death.

David was buried under a Trump building just last year, though the greatest stunt of his career was infiltrating the elite (and now quaintly embarrassing) Leonardo DiCaprio posse. Although the effeminate "Titanic" star and the ambitious magician wannabe are no longer on speaking terms, David's latest stunt puts him closer than ever to Leo, whose career is also on ice!

Later this week, I will spite this non-trick by attempting to get close enough to scrape a few shavings off his block of ice. Then I will gleefully enjoy a "chilly" vodka tonic while badmouthing him to random strangers. He's no David Copperfield! He's not even a Doug Henning, god rest his magic soul! Magician, conjure thyself and disappear!

Jay-Z And The Pussycat

Jay-Z is my absolute favorite rapper for a million reasons, primarily because 1) gossip and glamour swirl about him like a swarm of hungry fruitbats, 2) his love for sampling old showtunes has brought with it an unquenchable thirst for "Oliver!" and "Annie" within the rap community, and 3) he knows how to pick lovely girlfriends. The latest fabulon to catch his eye is young actress Rosario Dawson, who'll soon be donning high heels and an instrument in the upcoming feature film, "Josie And The Pussycats." The couple were particularly friendly with each other last week at the celebration party for his latest number one album, "The Dynasty." Among the usual ghetto-chic crowd of stylish sorts to witness the love match: Puffy sans Jenny, Russell Simmons, L'il Kim (who was seen dancing on a table clutching a bottle of champagne), and Carson Daly and Tara Reid (themselves lustfully entwined). Hopefully Jay and Rosie will stay together in time for the "Josie" premiere early next year!

Turkey Leftovers

Most famous souls have much to give thanks for -- their agents, their airbrushers, their Golden Globe nominations -- so it's no surprise that Thanksgiving is a huge holiday for the elite. The New York Post reports that Michael J. Fox flew 21 family members, including wife Tracy Pollan, to St. Thomas where they had an island feast in Canee Bay on St. Johns. Family ties, indeed! Many New York-based stars, however, had a nice, quiet celebration in the Hamptons. Over in the East End, a lavish feast was enjoyed by Gwyneth Paltrow (with parentals Bruce Paltrow and Blythe Danner), Lorne Michaels and Mike Myers. At Nick & Toni's, Hamptons heroes Stephen Spielberg and Kate Capshaw hosted a small turkey feast. And the Laundry in East Hampton hosted a post-Turkey Day weekend shindig that attracted such luminaries as Lauren Bacall, Alec Baldwin and Kim Basinger.

Meanwhile, in Palm Beach, Florida, not everybody was counting chads! Terry Kramer hosted a Thanksgiving celebration for neighbor Rod Stewart, who was joined at the debauched soiree by Brooke Shields and her new boyfriend Chris Henchy, and a million and one Floridian social elitists, all of whom buzzed with gossip about the presidential election, Rod's Hair, and more.

As for myself, I sped up to Boston for a gourmet Thanksgiving meal with friends and, not surprisingly, could not find a single celebrity! Of course, Dana Delaney and Rita Wilson (and surely Tom Hanks was lurking somewhere) were in town doing the smash play "Dinner With Friends," but it was sold out, and drag sensation Varla Jean Merman (well, she's a celebrity to me!) offered Boston crowds her "Holiday Hams" cabaret variety show. Other than those, not a one!

Cruz Control

Cameron Crowe, creator of the masterpiece "Almost Famous," is currently directing two Cruises in New York for his new film "Vanilla Sky" -- Tom Cruise and Penelope Cruz, the on-fire Latin beauty who'll soon be seen in the Matt Damon vehicle "All The Pretty Horses." Just how hot is Penny? She has completely won the heart of recently divorced Nicolas Cage, who took Penny to dinner and hoped to see more of her while in town. But does Penny return phone calls? According to the New York Post, the sexy starlet has made herself completely unavailable for a second date, keeping busy with her latest film and upcoming press for "Horses." Darling, you mean Nick hasn't impressed you with his slurred, monotone sweet nothings or that droopy, hollow look in his eyes? Maybe she's just scared Patricia Arquette will come after her. Meow!

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