Flighty Celebrities

In what may be the most glamorous flight in the history of the airways, a spy friend reports that he saw more stars last week on his flight from Los Angeles to New York in the first class compartment than are usually contained in most movie premieres! Due to the combination of two separate, half-filled flights, this particular plane held within its lucky hull the following celebs: empress of music Annie Lennox (on route to her concert in New York); ice pixie Oksana Baiul; fun, plain actress Martha Plimpton; and BG's fave rave salsation Marc Anthony. None of the stars observed actually interacted with each other, though I'd love to know if Martha ordered the veggie meal or if Annie fully read her emergency procedures bulletin. Once embarked, my inquisitive source followed the stars to baggage claim and noted that Annie was woman enough to pick up her own bags, despite having her "people" around her, while Marc made his lackeys pick up his bags for him ["I totally would have carried them!" -- BG]. No word on Martha's solution, though I doubt she really had "people" to boss around. Oksana skated through effortlessly.

The exertion of lifting her own bags obviously did not hinder Ann from sparkling like glamour gold at last week's Eurythmics concert at Madison Square Garden. Wardrobed in camouflage (and later topped with a silver lame blouse), the "Diva" singer electrified the frothing crowd -- filled unsurprisingly with a myriad of drag queens and other freaks -- with classic tunes and a few from the Eurythmics' new release, "Peace." Strumming along nicely was Dave Stewart, sporting blond tips and his typical look of disdain. My favorite moment involved a wide-screen projection of a planet-filled universe that was clearly constructed from golfballs, melons, oranges, and other porous spheres. Second favorite moment: five gigantic chopped-down evergreens backed the duo's final numbers, ironically ending a show that raised all its money for Greenpeace and the salvation of gigantic chopped-down evergreens! (I'll assume they were fake trees, but I swear I saw a squirrel or two.)

West End Boys

My concert excursion did not end with those sweet dreams. Last Thursday, it was the Pet Shop Boys at Hammerstein Ballroom -- who am I to disagree? -- and among the worshippers of these synth-techno icons was Elton John, who sat bemused with a whole gaggle of obvious-looking fabulous people (including his boyfriend, David Furnish, and Interview Magazine maven Ingrid Sisney), who sat and stood at his plainly bespectacled whim as though he were the queen. (Well, I guess figuratively, he is.) The Pets Neil Tennant and Chris Lowe performed in their usual pristinely disconnected manner, turning their classics into bass-heavy German performance art pieces backed by what looked like a chubbier version of Boyz II Men and a black-goddess songstress dressed like an annihilator of worlds from the "Buck Rogers" TV series. In a word .... smokin'!

The fun continued at the Interview-hosted Boys afterparty at Studio 54, which currently houses Broadway's revival of "Cabaret," but which, for this particular evening, was filled with model-types, downtown celebrities, drunks enjoying the free Tanqueray cocktails, and, of course, many like yours truly who could be described as all three. The press had their own section, but who were all the vaguely Dutch-looking other people? Apparently, they'd had to show up at the Pet Shop Boys CD signing at the midtown Virgin Megastore and be selected by either Boy from the crowd as being "choice" party-going material. From what my sources said, it helped to be young, blond and photo-ready. So that's why it looked like a Swiss-watch wooden-clog jamboree!

It is a little known fact that my bladder is actually my "divining rod" for celebrities (works for Paul the Intern, too). In fact, every time I go in search of the bathroom at one of these crazy functions, I always run into superstars, sometimes literally. It was seven years ago that a Li'l Gregoire, fresh-faced and still sober, trespassed the very walls of Studio 54 for an album release party and smacked right into PM Dawn frontman, Prince Be, while looking for the lavatory. Since then, I had completely forgotten the whereabouts of these facilities, so I was once again searching around the back entrance of 54 when the doors swung open and the Pets Neil and Chris sauntered in with their bodyguards, a few feet from my stunned, urine-filled person. I suppose I'll be the topic of their latest smash b-side single, "The Boy In The Back Room Has A Grimace."

When Was I Then

You think that sounds like a busy evening? Just wait until I tell you what I did BEFORE the Pet Shop Boys concert!

At the swanky Supper Club in midtown, A&E Biography Magazine held a party called "Where Are They Now?", celebrating quasi-celebrites with a stream of delicious hors d'oeurves and pathetic, starved pleas for attention. Among the minor icons that I met were Susan Olsen (forever known as Cindy Brady), Donnie Most (Ralph Malph from "Happy Days"), and Mickey Dolenz (the ugly Monkee). Also seen were Keith Hernandez (whom I had an opportunity to meet, but who cares?), KC with his Sunshine Band (who actually performed, but I'd left for the Pet Shop by then), and former VH1 veejay AJ Hammer, who is still drop-dead beautiful ... and five seconds to obscurity!

How did everybody look? Cindy's on the Dana Plato road for sure: big hair, slumping, looks double her actual age. Mickey hasn't ever had much to work with, so he's aging awkwardly, like a well-carved candle after several lightings. And while my companion thought Donnie looked as though he was actually flaking away, I thought he looked dashing, with a trim white beard and a glazed look of acceptance that he's the least successful member of the "Happy Days" cast. (I mean, even Erin Moran gets press these days!)

Party Crasher

But, hey, we can't all be invited to internationally exclusive VIP parties, and that's why I appreciate every last one. Even the famous sometimes can't get into them, as witnessed by The Daily News last week when Michael Mann, director of "The Insider" and "Heat," was recently dining at The Russian Tea Room. Suddenly Mike saw two glorious, sexy ladies -- soap stars Kelly Ripa and Lauren Martin -- go up the stairs with a look of seriousness on their pretty little faces. When Mike tried to follow the ginger young women into their party, he was stopped at the door and was not allowed, even when he produced business cards. Forget that everybody at that party -- the Soap Opera Weekly's 10th Anniversary fest -- would have died to sleep their way into one of his movies! Hmmm, I wonder how the finger foods were at their party?

Baby, Baby

G-Spot favorite Michael Rapaport will finally become a father, according to The Post. He's impregnated his girlfriend of two years, and the young couple will celebrate their little bundle of starpower around May or June of next year. The tall "True Romance" hottie and I are linked in many inconsequential ways (age, apartment location, etc.) that I have chosen to highlight and he has chosen to ignore, and despite being charged with aggravated harassment for stalking the equally divine Lili Taylor, I hold no grudge, and Mikey and his new family are invited to my house for pita pockets and a rousing game of Uno anytime.

G-Mail

Regarding my comments on Richard Gere as People Magazine's "Sexiest Man Alive":

"Gregoire, Richard Gere should definitely get the sexiest man award. I'm not biased at all, but I am the same age as Rich, and since I'm recently divorced, I'm having a ball dating again. I am making at least three ladies very happy. The four ladies I date are 21, 23 , 24 , and 39. And they all say they enjoy me and dating a "real" man instead of the "boys" they had been dating. The point is that ladies like older men if the man, like me, is NOT a pervert and doesn't scare them off by acting like or being a jerk."

Wait, so you're dating four women, but you're making three of them very happy?! Wait, you're really dating four women! You seem to be practicing the very sexual charisma that People Magazine claims Richie has, although you'll find few tales of fiery heterosexual libido surrounding their gray-haired hottie. But more importantly, can I guess which of the women you're not making happy? (Remember that Sesame Street jingle, "One of these things is not like the other.") And should I forward this letter to Breakup Girl?

"Gregoire, I work in a restaurant in Toronto where, for some reason unknown to me -- since I think the place is a dump -- celebs sometimes go. I'd like to report on some of my brushes with greatness:

"1. Jennifer Tilly seemed very annoyed to be out in daylight when I served her the summer before last; she tipped well nonetheless. She was my first celeb encounter and so may have been the most exciting.

"2. Rod Stewart's guitar player: whatever.

"3. Tim Roth, nice enough I guess, didn't really talk to him much. He did however try to pick up one of the girls I work with, which was kinda cool for her.

"4. Denis Leary: nice enough, very cute in real life, came in with a couple of guys and a beautiful British woman.

"5. Mike Myers: Very nice, but I couldn't believe the rudeness of people towards him. People kept going up to his table and annoying him, even at one in the morning. Some girl left her date, sat down with him and his friend and started annoying him with some drivel about how she's an actress, too, and yadda, yadda yadda. Her date sat there for a really long time, then he went up and gave her purse to her, and then she made him sit down. He was suitably embarrassed and soon left her there to annoy the two men. The date was really annoyed when he left. I was embarrassed for her.

"Maybe I'll write later and tell everyone how I got even with a boyfriend a few years ago and other getting even tactics I've developed over the years.

"Love,
Bitter Girl"

Sorry, I had to edit your letter, Bitter Girl. What a prolific, resourceful bitterness you have! First of all, celebrities are like you and me and sometimes go to bad restaurants just because they have certain reputations. I mean, have you been to Spago's in LA lately? Appalling! Particularly lovely detail on the Myers bit, love. And Denis Leary gets bonus points from me: blond men with chronic smoking problems are a major turn-on!

"Gregoire, I love your column, and I think that you should be a celebrity just like Breakup Girl! [Note to BG: I'm sure he didn't mean it!] Heck, you have meta-human wit, celebrity spotting, and relating powers, making you a superhero as well, right? However, as a celebrity, I think that it's rather unfair that we can't 'celeb sight' you because we don't know what you look like ... beyond that artistic computer graphic at the top of this feature (and I doubt that you're a walking virtual image).

"So, how about it...give us a description (or even better, a picture) of what you look like so we can start spotting you!"

Sorry to spoil it for you, dear, but I really am as one-dimensional, complex and drawn on as the photo that you see above. I do, of course, occasionally wear turtlenecks and smoking jackets, and sometimes after a particular nasty binge of VIP parties and celebrity spottings, I have horrid rash that covers most of my body. Other than that, to quote another animated superstar, I yam what I yam! But seriously, over the coming months (and if we all survive the pending apocalypse), you'll be seeing a lot more of the entire Breakup Girl family. Why, you'll even be spotting me ... in your dreams!

Until I make three out of four women very happy,
Gregoire

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