The 63rd Annual Academy Awards -- er, I mean, the Democratic National Convention -- is a magnet for scores of politically-minded celebrities supporting Al Gore's run for the President's seat. Why, just this Saturday, a three-hour celebrity fundraiser brought out such stars as Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston, Cher, Diana Ross, Gregory Peck, Jimmy Smits and David Hasselhoff! (What a lineup! Who did the Republicans have? Anita Bryant? Roy Acuff?) Now, I never dabble in the realm of politicos -- they make entertainment gossip seem classy -- so I'm not sure how this bevy of celebs reacted to Gore's choice for VP, Joseph Lieberman, who is openly slamming the very industry that butters the bread of such fervent supporters as Barbra Striesand and Shirley Maclaine. But I'm sure Babs is turning her sizable nose the other way; I'll bet she knows George W. Bush is not a fan!

But who can talk politics when the joys of childbirth are at hand? Observe....

Oh Baby! The Dylan and Rocco Files

My two favorite gals on Earth -- Catherine Zeta-Jones and Madonna -- both spent the week screaming bloody murder to produce miniature male versions of their stylish selves. Cathy was first, naturally, having been pregnant for almost 18 months, finally relieved of the stress of dealing with that pesky prenuptial agreement. (Had you seen me last month in Breakup Girl Live at the Gotham Comedy Club, you couldn't get me to shut up about that thing!) Dylan Michael Douglas, weighing seven fabulous pounds, made his debut Tuesday in Beverly Hills to thunderous praise. Within minutes, he uttered his first words: "What do you mean you're not married?" (Oh, I'm sorry, that wasn't Dylan. That was my mother!) Momma is doing fine, of course, though I doubt she'll be wriggling under laserbeams in tight black clothing anytime soon. No word yet on whether Dylan will join his much older brother Cameron on the New York deejaying circuit, but I say, get that baby some turntables!

Speaking of musical babies, Madonna surprised the world by not only pushing up the release date of her new album, but also moving up the release of her latest baby, Rocco. Three weeks early -- just couldn't wait to see the new Keanu Reeves film "The Replacements" I'll bet. As far ahead of the trends as his mommy, Rocco Ritchie was extracted from the pop goddess in an LA hospital by C-section on Friday after mom spent a couple days in the hospital due to abdominal pains caused by a detached placenta. (I'm not an expert on female anatomy, but that doesn't sound good for mom or pup.). Things were shaky at first, but with boyfriend Guy Ritchie at her side, Rocco was successfully delivered, and Maddie is reportedly doing fine. According to reports, Rocco weighs 5 pounds, 9 ounces, and Madonna's new single "Music" is at number 23 with a bullet!

Spice Racks

I heard a while back that UK heartthrob Robbie Williams and ex-Spice doll Geri Halliwell were an item. (This could not have bored me more, as neither has had much presence in the U.S. outside of their respective bands, Take That and the Spice Girls.) But I do love a good fight: sources have reported that the two were vacationing on the exotic beach of St. Tropez and almost combusted with fury. The pair were dining at a chic eatery when they bumped into friend Paul McKenna, world renowned hypnotist, and his date, spokeswoman Claire Staples. (I don't know about you, but I am always running into hypnotists whenever I'm in St. Tropez!) Rob became distracted by his pals and kept leaving the former Ginger Spice at the dinner table to go talk to them. Distraught, Geri leaped up, slapped Claire on the back, and then began yelling at Rob in a plea for attention. The two screamed openly at each other before Rob left with his friends. (Perhaps he was HYPNOTIZED?!) Geri, meantime, ran back to her table in tears. Now, usually, stories this shameless are readily dismissed by publicists. But not Geri's. Her mouthpiece proclaims she was a wee bit too drunk and took things too personally. Frankly, I don't blame her. Nobody leaves me in the middle of dinner and gets away with it!

Houston, We Have A Problem

Taking over from where her daughter Drew left off, mother Jaid Barrymore got involved in a scantily-clad tete-at-tete last week at Soho's Veruka, where she was partying with pal Houston, a porn actress. Houston, apparently a recent viewer of the film "Coyote Ugly," vaulted onto the bar and began stripping, making it all the way to her mere panties before a couple of brawny guys began to pull her away. Jaid then dove in screaming at the handsy randys, beginning an oddball brawl at the swank lounge. The men were excised from the bar by bouncers. By that time, however, the room was thick with the stench of wily testosterone and masculine thrill.

Attention world: this is why I am not straight.

SEEN!

• Poor Bijou Phillips! It's tough to get turned away by a doorman of some chic club, especially when you're famous. Bijou and buddy Rufus Wainwright attempted to edge through the winding line at Los Angeles Cherry Club when the doorman stopped them. Bijou pouted, as well she should have; they had just let in Traci Lords! Rufus had no such trouble this weekend, as I spotted him in New York at Vinyl enjoying the sounds of Danny Teneglia. One of my fellow fabulons engaged in conversation with the attractive songster, while I stood by, smiling in approval. (As a general rule, I don't approach famous people, unless they're dying to meet me. I mean, gossips who aggressively celeb-chase are just tacky.)
• Lovely, lanky Lenny Kravitz strolled into a midtown vintage clothier last week and spent $25,000 on a shirt once worn by Jimi Hendrix. That's really avoiding those obvious comparisons, Len!
• The Paper Magazine party for John Waters' new flick "Cecil B. Demented" brought out the freaks as usual. (No, I wasn't there.) Seen: stars Stephen Dorff and Patty Hearst, Julia Stiles, Candace Bushnell, Verushka and Anthony Haden-Guest. As for John, his date for the evening was a blonde, buxom lady named Bob, an exaggerated woman who has literally smacked her gigantic bosoms into my face more than once in some of the sleazier East Village lounges.
• Elsewhere in the East Village, throngs of "Soprano" cast members descended upon the Strip House (no, Houston wasn't there; it's a steak house) to celebrate the show's Emmy nominations, among other honors. Star James Gandolfini was partially absent; he's lost 40 pounds, thanks to the controversial Atkins diet.
  

Celebrity Quote Of The Week

"We had sex 50 times a week and sometimes 10 times a day... Her favorite foods were pasta with carbonara sauce and Captain Crunch cereal."
-- Satisfied Mark Fetters, ex-squeeze of Time Square billboard model Anna-Nicole Smith, indirectly describing the supermodel's erotic fuel.

G-Mail

"Gregoire, sweetie, all the 'Home Alone' jokes and the lack-of-surprise factor aside, Mac's divorce seems to have eclipsed the news of an other Hollywood split: Helen Hunt & Hank Azaria. Granted, Helen's been out of the news lately, what with working on films that have yet-to-be released, but it is still a shame to hear about the end of a couple that seemed to stand a chance." -- Lorin

Actually, Mac didn't eclipse Helen; it's simply that her split with Hank is such old news; I reported their initial split months ago. This latest buzz on their crumbling relationship is only their press people conceding that the gossips have been right all along! They seemed like such a fun couple, too. Hank talking in crazy voices while Helen laughed and laughed while wearing cream-colored evening wear. Oh, the good times they must have had!

"Gregoire, while walking down Thompson Street during my lunch hour, I spotted the severely balding Michael Rapaport. He was pushing a baby carriage which carried a hysterical, screaming baby. I was looking at him mostly because of the bald spot, but I think he thought I was horrified that he was allowing this child to scream, so he gave me a pointy-eyed glare as if to say, 'You take it.' So who's the mom of this baby -- anyone I know?" -- Rebecca in Tribeca

Mikey, a frequent fixture of the Greenwich Village glam-scape, was assumedly watching over his own baby. His girlfriend, Nicole Beattie, had the child earlier this year. It's Mike's first mini-human, so don't criticize him for looking stressed out. A newborn and a Woody Allen film ("Small Time Crooks") in one summer -- not to mention eight upcoming films -- can take a lot out of a star!

"Gregoire, as I was meandering through LaGuardia Airport yesterday afternoon, lamenting my never-ending travel experience, I happened upon my only bright spot of the day. It was former Hardy Boy and Baywatch hunk Parker Stevenson. He was chowing down a little Mickey D's with his son, William, and adorable daughter, Lillie. After a brief hello, I moved on to allow this ridiculously good-looking family to enjoy their feast in peace. One overheard tidbit -- William was expressing his excitement to return to LA and leave behind the craziness of NYC. He's young; he'll learn!" -- DBG

Willie might have been anxious to get home to his mommy, one "Veronica's Closet" star Kirstie Alley. With parents on both coasts, how can one choose between two most glamorous locales, especially at his age? By the way, wouldn't you love to know if William has a certain collection of blue-spined mystery novels on his shelf, featuring the very sleuth his father played in the late 70s?

"Gregoire, I have been wanting to tell you this, but felt somewhat ashamed. Why, you may ask? Because I never see truly fabu-people, only has-been, out-of-the-limelight almost-stars, who nobody remembers but me.

About a month ago, I was at the shoe department at Macy's in Century City, where I saw JEAN KASEM! I was embarrassed that my life has been so ingrained in the 80s that immediate recognition took place. She had her longish, very peroxided hair up in a ponytail, bright red lipstick and dark glasses (which were on, and indicated to me that she was someone, or perhaps more accurately, someone-that-used-to-be-almost-someone. She was dressed down -- khakis, black tank top, and a black sweater tied around her shoulders -- a far cry from the 'Worst Dressed' 80s get-ups that we would see her wearing in People magazine. I couldn't see what shoes she was looking at, ironically, but I did hear that trademark high-pitched voice.

I had to confess that sighting. I can, at last, rest at night. You are the best Gregoire -- keep dishing, and I will keep reading!!!" - LC in SF

Basically, love, you saw Mrs. Kasem looking exactly as she once did in the 1980s as Dan Hedeya's kooky wife Loretta in "The Tortellis." Had you made this sighting last month during Glam-Quest, you would have received millions of bonus points, as Kasem (yes, unusually, she really is the wife of Top 40 guru Casey Kasem) is a personal fave, a pre-Anna-Nicole Smith, if you will. Not as messy, of course, but just as bizarre. Love her.

"Gregoire, here's your Hot Tip: the movie, 'Price Above Rubies' with Renee Zellweger is not an Amish movie. You apparently consumed one too many gimlets. It's about a Jewish girl, a Jewish husband, Jewish families, Jewish business, Jewish faith. Does this give you any clue?" -- Debi

Yes, it was the gimlets, and all that black and white clothing! As I live in the heart of the Orthodox Jewish community in the Lower East Side, you'd think I would have learned by now. In fact, it was an even deeper conspiracy than you would have imagined. I was confusing "Rubies" with the early 90s non-masterpiece, "A Stranger Among Us" starring Melanie Griffith. Two wispy-voiced (and, in my opinion, bad) actresses "stretching" by immersing themselves in bad movies set in pockets of American subculture. Except that "Stranger" is also about the Orthodox community. I was actually having triple-confusion, mixing up the Griffith vehicle with "Witness," the Harrison Ford flick. You know, cops investigating a murder, going undercover, falling in love with taboo religious folk (Harry with Kelly McGillis, Mel G. with Eric Thal...).

Sorry to offend all those traditional Hasidic and Amish gossip lovers out there!

Until Robbie Williams stands me up for dinner,

Gregoire

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