It's a holiday in every part of the world including the Howard Johnson's cocktail lounge, where reports have already begun to stream in from members of our Glam Quest 2000 teams, who are busily hiding behind shrubbery, props and bedposts, determined to spot celebrities. Check out our rules page so you can play along at home and come back next week when our New York and Los Angeles teams file their first celebrity reports. I'll grade them based on our super-scientific point system (with an extra point here or there for the most smashing superstar spottings).

Of course, one need only hit one's neighborhood bachelor pad to unearth a bevy of sad, single celebrities. In fact, this week's People Magazine (which is to entertainment magazines what a tricycle with training wheels is to an 18-wheeler) lists 100 of Hollywood's most eligible bachelors though many of them are in fact in relationships, in clandestine affairs with starlets (like Ben Affleck, who's dating Gwenyth on the sly), or with each other. (Let's count how many men on this list I've heard about trolling La Cienega Blvd!) Then there's the inclusion of Freddie Prinze Jr., whose listing as a bachelor will presumably make Sarah Michelle Gellar cackle with laughter as she gingerly hurls her copy of People into the flames. And, duh, like, where's moi?

Not surprisingly, the number one "most eligible" (read: alienating) celeb is George Clooney, who, as you've read in this column, has taken to romanticizing his on-screen partner Mark Wahlberg in interviews with the press! Now, I can assure you, there is nothing really going on between the former "Facts Of Life" star and Marky Mark -- when's the last time you heard a gossip columnist refute a gay rumor? -- but I think this illustrates how badly Georgie needs a date. Since his break with Celine Balitran last fall, he's been a mess. Can anybody out there help him out? (You better hurry! I heard that he was "talking to every pretty girl in sight" at last week's LA premiere for "A Perfect Storm." But did any pretty girls talk to him?)

Dennis The Dumped

One other rustic Hollywood hunk is in need of a shoulder to cry on: Dennis Quaid. Adding another couple to this year's growing list of good old-fashioned marriages turned sour (see Cage-and-Arquette and Hurley-and-Grant), the cuter brother of Randy Quaid and the perky Meg Ryan have split after nine years of marriage. While spokespeople for the stars claim the breakup, which actually happened six weeks ago but is just being revealed now, is a mutual and amicable split, poor Dennis may actually have been speared by a Gladiator, one named Russell Crowe. The blonde, little dormouse and the "Gladiator" stud are currently filming "Proof Of Life" in London, playing husband and wife, and apparently the on-screen romance has begun to play itself out in real time as well. Why, just last week, Meg and Russ were holding hands and "canoodling," if you will, at a David Bowie concert. (Oh, have times changed for Mr. Ziggy Stardust!) Other sightings have found them drinking at a pub in London and sharing the cool, crisp richness of a Pall Mall (or some other brand of lung-eroding cigarette) last week here in Manhattan. These globe-trotting tempestuous lovers!

Meg makes the perfect, peppy elixir to Russ' coolly stern public persona, and hopefully, they'll be able to find a few moments of happiness within their glamorous lives. And I'm not worried about Dennis; though the last time he was in the singles scene was during the late 80s, there's always room at the bar for a hot B movie star. (The line, "I'm that guy from the movie 'Frequency'" should get him a few dates at least.) But what of Dennis and Meg's little son Jake? At a mere eight-years-old, he must now accustom himself to a lifestyle of mansion hopping between his two loving parents and bear the introductions of more of his parents' celebrity lovers. Oh, fetid innocence, snuffed out in the unbearable heat of the Hollywood spotlight!

Liz Confesses

Meg and Dennis started dating twelve years ago, a year after Hugh Grant and Liz Hurley began dating. And now they're all kaput! Liz, however, has broken the silence about her breakup with the sheepish "Notting Hill" star, and she's nothing but vivid. She equates the ending of the long relationship to "amputating her left arm" -- why not the right one, love? Is that any less painful? -- and anticipates a new romance soon so she can be "swept off my feet and swept wildly into the sunset."

Before we go criticizing the ravishing model/actress for her abandonment of feelings for ol' Hugh, keep in mind that she began dating him when she was only 22-years-old, a fledgling young thing with little dating experience under her belt. We should applaud them for lasting as long as they did. The relationship had to fall apart, she reveals to Talk Magazine, because "after 13 years together, we still didn't really want to get married and start a family." She does lament by adding, "I'll never stop loving Hugh, and if we're meant to get back together, we will." Keep that horizon bright, angel!

At the end of her stint with Hugh, Liz even investigated some adoption agencies that specialized in Chinese babies. Clearly, the glamorous beauty is hearing the ticks of her internal clock! My solution? Liz, meet Dennis. Dennis, Liz. Oh, and Liz you must meet little Jake! He's not Chinese, but he's got every line of "Innerspace" memorized!

Puck Off!

To television audiences, New York's Puck Building is the home of Grace Adler Designs (from "Will And Grace"), an office space somebody like Grace could never afford in real life! However, it's also home of some of Manhattan's hottest private parties, such as the one this past week held by Vibe Magazine for L'il Kim's new album. The sassy, overpainted diva was workin' the room, greeting all her famous guests, including Missy Elliot and Puff Daddy. Two guests she didn't dare disturb, however, were the mucho sexy Aaliyah and the severely styling Jay-Z, who were making out in the corner. Well, I hope they took some time out to give Kim her props for fitting into that teeny little ensemble!

Celebrity Quote Of The Week

"It must have been an exact representation. We didn't get this land by asking for it."

-- Obvious Revolutionary War buff Cher, at the premiere of "The Patriot," commenting on the ultra-gory accuracy of the battle scenes. Now imagine that quote as heard through the Cher computer-filtration system used in her smash hit "Believe."

Manhattan Island Survivor

As promised two weeks ago, here's a version of "Survivor" that I tailored exclusively for the New York scene, and you can play at home! You don't have to be in or from New York to play. You can modify this game for whatever village or enclave you have selected as your home!

I preface this by saying that although you do not specifically need to drink for this game to be fun -- would hate to encourage heavy drink, hick! -- the drama and the fun do become more exponential with the more that is imbibed And, of course, if you're not of legal drinking age, dears, it's Kool-Aid and Fresca for you!

The Objective: To find among a group of people (five or more can play) the one who is the "Manhattan Island Survivor," i.e. the one among you who is the most sophisticated, savvy, pop-culturally educated, and extreme.

The Equipment: Just your fabulous selves, plenty of pens or pencils, and paper to be used to "vote people off the island."

The Rules: There will need to be one person -- you probably, because you're reading this, and you're so fabulous anyway that you don't need a game to justify it -- who serves as the host and will write up the questions needed to play the game. Starting with one person chosen at random, read a question and go around the room getting answers. You'll do this four times per "round," asking four questions.

What kind of questions, you ask? They must be opinion or personal experience questions that most directly or indirectly typify a person's "hip" quotient.

Some examples:
--What will be the name of your autobiography?
--Describe the most exotic journey you've ever taken.
--Who would you cast in a new "Wonder Woman" movie?
--Combine the first name of one celebrity with the last name of another celebrity to come up with a funnier sounding celebrity. (Ex: Whitney Spears)
--Which girl on "The Facts Of Life" best typifies your attitude toward life?
--Which three people, living or dead, would you like to get completely trashed with?

Everyone should listen to these answers and determine who, based on those answers alone, has the least capacity to "survive" on "Manhattan Island." Before you all secretly vote on whom to kick off the island, however, you must play an Immunity Round. Just like the hit CBS reality show, the winner of the Immunity Round can sit out of the voting and cannot be voted against. Conceivably, a person could win every Immunity Round all the way to the end.

Immunity questions should be have an exact number answer, but should be somewhat difficult:

Such as:
--How old is Barbra Streisand?
--How long is the index finger on the Statue Of Liberty? (8 feet, incidentally)
--When was Ralph Lauren's first Paris runway show?
--How many Oscars has Woody Allen been nominated for?

Everyone guesses and the person closest without going over (the "Price Is Right" rule, natch) wins Immunity. The rest will have to vote a person off the island. Count the votes but don't read them aloud as they do on the show, because, honey, that is TACKY.

Repeat this -- four questions followed by an immunity round -- until you have three players left. At three players, lower the number of questions to three -- this creates more suspense -- and eliminate the Immunity Round. These three will hopefully come to a consensus, and the number will then lower to two. (If, by the way, there is ever a tie, you as the Tribal Council can make a deciding vote.)

When two players are left, let them answer three more questions, and then all the people who were voted off the island then get to vote one of the two remaining players off the island. The one remaining will be the winner and hated by all!

I debuted this game at a dinner party three weeks ago, and it was so successful that many of the party guests still aren't speaking to each other! But seriously, in a close-knit group of friends, this is an absolute blast. Please write and tell me your own "Survivor" game experiences. Maybe Milton Bradley will finally return my phone calls!

Finally, I hope you're all planning on stopping by the Gotham Comedy Club this Thursday to witness my first public flogging, er, gossip segment during Breakup Girl Live. I'll be spilling more than cocktails this Thursday, my friends. I may even divulge some gossip... about you! (If "you" happens to be Jennifer Aniston or Brad Pitt, you can be sure I will.)

Until George Clooney starts dating L'il Kim,

Gregoire

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