Shalloween

Ever been absolutely frightened by a celebrity? Maybe it's just the fall chill in the air and the buzz of Halloween a-glowing from every fabulous jack-o'-lantern, but I've been a nervous wreck all week from seeing scary stars. Forget vampires and witches! This season, true horror can be found...

1) watching John Travolta try and salvage his career in the terrifying comedy "Lucky Numbers"
2) hearing the ear-bleeding new single from The Spice Girls (whose new computer voices sound a little like the hounds of hell)
3) accidentally tuning into the two or three remaining networks still carrying the Dr. Laura show (is it me or does she kind of look like the older sister of the black-robed "Scream" killer?)
4) laughing delightfully at reanimated dead children in "The Little Vampire," starring that mini-John Denver look-alike Jonathan Lipnicki

Even the celebrities themselves know how horrific they are! In Manhattan, stars ran to the hottest costume boutiques to find the perfect ensemble to match their own innate scariness. Down at Abracadabra in the West Village, superstars stood in line with the normal folks to take a gander at the haunted haute couture. Statuesque Sigourney Weaver picked up some angel wings (well, she is heavenly) and, in a self-referential moment, an alien mask designed after the creature in "Alien." (I guess they ran out of Melanie Griffith "Working Girl" masks!) Leonard Nimoy, no stranger to ugly costumes, also snatched up some angel wings with a four foot wingspan. Kevin Bacon bought one of those wacky Richard Nixon masks, putting him six degrees away from George Washington! And Art Garfunkel threw down almost a thousand dollars on spooky supplies for his daughter's Halloween party. Soundtrack by Art Garfunkel!

The real stars couldn't be bothered shopping with the riffraff. At uptown's costume outlet Zitomer, concert-flop queen Diana Ross bought her two sons matching Satan outfits -- telling your children to go to hell? Now that's eerie -- while she picked up redhead vampire supplies for herself. Also in the store was Cher, who purchased some devilish goods including containers of face paint to create a garish, ghoulish glow. Of course, she didn't realize it was Halloween!

Out in L.A., of course, the stars do All Hallow's Eve a little differently. (It's hard to trick-or-treat down Sunset Boulevard, after all.) Most celebrities have their security guards doling out the sweets to rich neighborhood children looking for a handout or small role in their next films. However, Tom Hanks still answers his door and gives out the treats. Fantastic for him -- maybe he can give away a few of his Oscars as treats!

But Halloween isn't about treating others to your glamour -- it's about hoarding it for yourself! This is why Bette Midler had a jack-o'-lantern carved up in her image by artist Hugh McMahon, who also make custom-designed cutups for Kate Moss (out of a slender gourd, I imagine), Naomi Campbell, and Regis Philbin. With Bette's bright visage now glowing on a huge vegetable, we should wager a bet. Which will last longer: the pumpkin's freshness or her new television show?

Frightening Behavior

One very scary element of stardom we endure on a daily basis is temper tantrum/diva behavior from people who have no right acting that way. Of course, I'm talking about Courtney Love, who has become such a caricature of herself that she's her own Halloween costume! Courtney frequently demands queenly treatment, but her latest examples defy believability. At the recent spring-summer collection shows in Milan, Love agreed to appear at Donatella Versace's show, not as a model (thank God) but merely as a spectator, with the stipulation that Kurt Cobain's second-greatest misstep (after suicide) receive "a private jet, full-time nanny [for Frances Bean], several dresses, and three assistants." Love arrived at the show and sat in the front row with Bruce Willis, but it wasn't 'til post-show that she discovered her demands were not going to be met. She then ran backstage and proceeded to scream at Donatella, who obviously had other things to think about. (Did you see the new line? What was she thinking?) Flacks for the designer insist that she and Courtney are still friends, though the rocker's people said that "if you are going to a show, you expect clothes. But there was no fight."

Ms. Love, however, has unfurled this sort of unfashionable behavior literally all over the world! In New York last Monday night for the Glamour magazine "Women Of The Year" Awards, Love demanded that the editors provide her with an expensive (i.e. $1,600) hotel suite, additional security, and three hair and make-up stylists. After the arrangements were made, Love opted out of the event altogether, as she reportedly "missed her plane" from Los Angeles. Well, why was she invited to the "Women Of The Year" awards in the first place?!

Freaks On A Ghoulish Girl

We shouldn't take every story of bratty behavior as truth, at least ones regarding the ghoulishly glamorous Christina Ricci. The star of "Sleepy Hollow" and "Casper" is getting ragged from an unusual source: Vincent Gallo, her director and costar in the film "Buffalo 66 (the most beautifully filmed and pretentious piece of crap to come out in recent years). Gallo's a bit of a nutcase; whenever reporters write something negative about him, he's been known to find their private phone number and scream at them.

Vinnie, also known as the ugliest Calvin Klein model in history, was dishing to -- not screaming at -- a New York Post reporter last week, and the topic was all about Ricci. In a diatribe loaded with expletives, Vinnie proclaimed that Christina was tolerable to work with "when she wasn't drunk on the set. I think she's an alcoholic. It was either that or she was on cough syrup the whole time." He also referred to her as "ungrateful" and a "puppet" and harped rather disparagingly on her fluctuating weight gain. "She lost 17 pounds, and that was because I only let her eat one whole pizza pie every day."

Ricci's contacts were appalled to hear of Gallo's rants, proclaiming that the quirky actress has only nice things to say about the odd-looking, eccentric director. Sounds to me like some fading pseudo-star is trying to claw his way back out of obscurity by ripping down somebody far more talented and fabulous! Off with you, you repellent man!

GREGOIRE, PART DEUX:
Go away Richard Hatch!
Plus, Andrew Nice Clay?!

[breakupgirl.net]
advice | comics | animation | personals | play
gossip | to do | guest | list | about us

Breakup Girl created by Lynn Harris & Chris Kalb
©2003 Just Friends Productions, Inc.