I just love the holidays, and during Crush Week here at breakupgirl.net, I always get so sentimental. I've confessed my own secret passions in these pages before and, predictably, that has lead to all kinds of kinky revelations from you, dear readers.

But if you think crushes are things that only mortal people like yourselves suffer, oh, how you underestimate the fragile hearts of the glamorous!

Celebrities are actually more prone to harboring secret, unspoken passions, being constantly surrounded as they are by the beautiful, and as the press scrutinizes every move. If, say, Ben Stiller harbored a clandestine crush on Belinda Carlyle, or Julianne Moore discreetly fantasized about Billy Crudup, you can be sure that I and the legion of gossip hounds would keep it secret no longer! Thus, they must keep these inclinations even more concealed than non-fabulons do.

Michael Douglas, of course, had a year-long crush on Catherine Zeta-Jones, then decided to pursue the brunette vixen only upon hearing that Cathy had a thing for older, older men! (Insert gagging noise here.) And look at them now! Mike and Cathy have set November 18 as their wedding date, and the joyous ceremony will take place at The Plaza. (You know, the "Home Alone 2" hotel?)

Believe it or not, I've even seen one of their wedding invitations up close and personal. Of course, it wasn't addressed to me; I'm sure mine's waiting for me in my mailbox as we speak. If you'd like to take some pictures of the happy occasion, it'll cost you: the pair is selling the photo rights of their wedding to magazines for up to $2 million. Considering the fact that there will not be circus elephants or fireworks there, I think that's a wee bit high.

And since I just can't resist dishing on them once I get started, Cathy and Mike popped up in London last week at some oddball benefit for the International Center for Missing and Exploited Children. (Does this benefit Mary-Kate and Ashley Olson, I wonder?) Ironically, their child Dylan... was missing!

Deep Inside He's Torn

It looks like George Clooney has a bit of a crush and he's not doing a good job at hiding it. While in Milan last week to ogle the models at Donatella Versace's fashion show last week -- I mean, weren't we all there? -- Georgie got himself next to one-hit wonder Natalie Imbruglia and quickly began flirting with the "Torn" singer/actress. In fact, he was a tad distracting to other fashionistsas around him. If you can draw attention to yourself amid a steady stream of bizarre Versace designs, then you're trying WAY too hard. George and Nat left together, but no word if the "Facts Of Life" star was able to break through Natalie's blank, hollow glaze.

Christy Burns For Ed

'Round and 'round goes the wheel of celebrity match-ups! As a tiny ball tossed upon the roulette wheel of glamour rests on a random number, so too go the affairs of the famous. And what random pair of fabulons have hooked up this week?

Try "Saving Private Ryan" star and dog lover Ed Burns and his new galpal Christy Turlington. The two have been quietly dating for two weeks now, keeping out of the public eye during their affair's fragile beginning stages. Eddie, of course, is infamously known for dumping former girlfriend Heather Graham after she made a disparaging comment about his sick dog, so Christy better get on the mutt's good side if she plans to keep hanging out at Eddie's Tribeca digs for the long run. And Eddie better make sure his career is in tip-top shape before canoodling with Christy too much longer. Her last boyfriend was Jason Patric ("The Lost Boys," "Speed 2") and look where he went after their breakup: straight into oblivion!

Diving Into Singlehood

This season, same-sex couplings are disappearing faster than new fall TV shows! Hot on the news of Anne and Ellen's bitter breakup, and Melissa and Julie's sad shakeup comes news that Greg Louganis, Olympic diver turned so-so actor, has bid adieu to his beau Steve Kmetko, the dashing E! news correspondent.

I have no additional details I'm afraid, though maybe the recent Olympic diving events in Sydney made Greg antsy for his younger, friskier days. (On the topic, did anybody see that absurd new sport synchronized diving? Is somebody over on the Olympic board so bored that they're coming up with new sports?) Maybe Steve can now make room for his E! co-worker and god of gossip Ted Casablanca! The ending of so many strong gay and lesbian relationships is profoundly disturbing. Blessed savior, who's next? Seigfried and Roy? God no! Save the tigers!

GREGOIRE, PART DEUX:
Pyschic pooches set up Anna Nicole Smith!
Plus, a very American Celebrity Quote of the Week!

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