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November 14, 2000

The stress of this year's Election Night was just like the stress of Oscar Night, but with higher consequences and none of the glamour. (Well, maybe some of the glamour -- Hillary Rodham Clinton accepted her New York senate win saying it took "six pant suits," among other things, to win the election. Six?! Maybe six...a day!) In fact, I wouldn't be surprised if Denzel Washington sat back and thought, "Maybe I should ask for a recount!" God knows Kevin Spacey needed that second Oscar!

For the record, I too was confused by an improperly designed ballot and experienced extreme difficulty at my polling station. A New York transportation bill that would have built a subway almost literally right outside my door in the Lower East Side was narrowly defeated, and I failed to see it on my ballot! OK, yes, I had just come from a "Get Out And Vote!" cocktail party in Chelsea, so I may not have looked too closely. But as this election has shown, every vote really does count. That's why I've disowned several friends who claimed they were "too busy" to vote. Nazis!

While 300 elderly Floridian retirees were busy deciding who would be the next president of the United States, the young and fabulous were busy chewing their nails at Hillary's celebration party at Spa, the notorious model haberdashery-turned-political dazzle joint. Of course, despite the historic and dramatic events, everything was as glittery and superficial as ever: models James King and Frankie Rayder, baseballer Derek Jeter and lovely Miss Universe Lara Dutta mingled ever-so unaware. Why, even the Backstreet Boys and *NSYNC were there! Will 14-year-olds suddenly discover an interest in politics?

Meanwhile, Harvey Weinstein and Tina Brown hosted a party uptown at the legendary Elaine's, and it was reported early on that the Clintons were to arrive after Hill's victory speech. The presidential duo and security headache failed to show up, though a small number of the partiers were invited up to the Clinton's hotel room to celebrate. (Sounds absolutely fraternity-esque!) Among the invitees: Uma Thurman, Karen Duffy, and diva Jessye Norman.

Ben Affleck was also invited, but the stress of the election kept him "Bounce"-ing all over town. Eventually, he hit the Spa party and watched the election in an office there until 5 a.m. Obviously, the boy was a wreck; at Elaine's, he was sooo stressed out that he conveniently forgot that he wasn't dating Gwyneth Paltrow! During the gripping election coverage, the two started grabbing each other under the table. How they must have died when the station went to a commercial break to show the trailer for their new film, "Bounce"!

Strangely enough, Ben had just returned from Miami Beach where he was canvassing for Gore (along with Glenn Close and Robert DeNiro according to the New York Post). Poor Ben must be plagued with guilt right now: "If only I had campaigned just a little bit harder! If only I had performed 327 sex acts in the name of Gore!" You may have lost Gore the election, dear Affleck!

(Speaking of Affleck, what shall we make of the following rumor: apparently, Benny was all over Carrie Fisher at her 44th birthday! Finally, an older woman-younger man scenario that makes sense! What did her press people say in response to this possible coupling? "Good for her!" Damn straight!)

Wedding Jitters

And now the nation must wait for the crucial date of November 18. Is that when the absentee ballots will be counted? Is that the date when the recounted votes will be certified? No! Most importantly, that's the date of the long-long-long awaited marriage between Michael Douglas and Catherine Zeta-Jones! The last time this much anticipation surrounded a union, the couple in question was Mary and Joseph (back in the days when designers worked in sackcloth, not silk)!

Although Mikey's certainly the power player of the pair, it's Cathy who's been planning the wedding from invitation fonts to cleanup crew. The "Basic Instinct" star is so enslaved by the charms of the curvy beauty that he's allowed her to completely redecorate his New York apartment, a place that has until now had a Old Spice-and-dusty bookshelf feel to it. Be careful there, Mike. You may walk in and discover the place draped in organza and old Broadway posters. Cathy, as other worshippers like me know, has the makings of a theater star, with a singing and dancing talent that dwarfs her acting abilities. (Yes, yes, I know that's not saying much. Work with me, darlings!) By Mike's own admission in the latest Movieline magazine, he claims, "She's got a great voice, and she's a great jazz tap-dancer!" Will Cathy be enticed by the Gay White Way? Not if she gets her way -- Mike also claims that she wants to have two more children ASAP.

After the ceremony this weekend, don't expect the ultra beauty and her Oscar-winning honey to go jetting off to some exotic locale on their honeymoon. They've got a deluxe room with Jacuzzi booked at the Plaza for the entire week after the wedding to consummate their love. Oh, wait, they've already consummated! Hello, Dylan! As the Plaza is directly across from FAO Schwartz, this nosy spy will be attempting a peek into the newlyweds' private digs post Christmas shopping. Also, if you've already bought the pair a gift, you may want to pawn it. The couple is requesting instead that a donation be made to their baby's trust fund. A very noble alternative, to be sure, but with such a high-wattage list of potential attendees, don't be surprised if li'l Dylan becomes a multimillionaire by his half-birthday!


Lara Flynn and Han Solo? Say it ain't so!

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