While the rest of America was tuning into the Mets/Yankees face-off on the Subway Series -- personally, I don't care for basketball -- I was switching my pretty little dial to PBS. Gregoire, glued to the home of "Antique Roadshow?" Although I hadn't actually watched public television since the days of "Zoom!" and "Electric Company," the call of wild glamour compelled me to watch the station's "Nature" documentary program. The show featured the noble nomads of Mongolia; brave Asiatic troopers scouring the frosty countryside in search of shelter and grazing land for their yaks or whatever. Clothed in quaint woolen sweaters, they made for a rather sedate evening of television -- except this particular episode was hosted by Julia Roberts!

And not just as a disembodied voice-over either. Ms. Roberts wandered the frozen land with the desolate people, drinking their milky broths, playing with their stunned children, and communicating with them through big, bright smiles. (They couldn't speak her language: Hollywood.) She wore her adorable North Face jacket, and the frosty winds only served to bring out the rosy hue of her glorious cheeks. She talked seriously into the camera -- "These people don't think grass is greener on the other side of the fence, because there are no fences" -- trying very hard not to sound condescending or awkward. Why, she even milked a yak! She assisted these serene people as they disassembled their house to move, taking quick breaks to show the camera how much fun she was having. After a zesty afternoon of Mongolian rodeo, Julia proclaimed, "One of the dogs got trampled by a horse, but other than that everything is all right!"

But alas, she had to return to Hollywood to begin campaigning for her Oscar nomination for "Erin Brockovich." She waved as the truck sped away, and the next scene was Julia by herself, trudging up a steep hill on the back of a mule -- as though the camera crew, fed up with her beauty, threw her out the back!

I haven't been this moved by a PBS program since Mr. Hooper died on "Sesame Street!" Hopefully, other glamorous stars will follow Julia's noble example and film future "Nature!" series. Oh, to see Charlize Theron, hamming it up with a Pygmy tribe! Greg Kinnear and the tree people of the Amazon!

Charlie's Survivors

Three lovely stars seem to be taking advice from La Julia. Those "Charlie's Angels" chicks Lucy Liu, Drew Barrymore and Cameron Diaz held a rather unusual press junket by themselves in the Utah desert for an upcoming article for Marie Claire magazine. The fashion mag (which I thought had gone out of business months ago) likes to put glamorous women in harsh conditions and have them write diaries of the experience. They did this with Gwyneth Paltrow on a desert isle awhile back, and the extreme-sport-lovin' "Charlie" trio were happy to oblige.

The three lovelies were bereft of canteen, maps, sleeping gear, and even food, as they trudged into God's country with only their beauty and their image to protect them. Well, the hot Utah sun quickly took care of those superficial weapons! Judging from diary excerpts in the magazine's December issue, it appears that any animosity that may have been brewing during the filming of the movie was eradicated by the need to survive.

"We had no blankets," documents Diaz. "This was a night of pure comedy. The three of us sandwiched together. I got the middle out of instinct. Since I'm the tallest, Drew and Lucy both fit perfectly under my arms and chin." More strenuous than an all-day junket, the three were able to stay alive by catching fish swimming upstream, nabbing the unfortunate cod with their fabulous, well-manicured hands. "Lucy was so hungry, she ate the fish's eyeballs," Diaz adds with disgust. Thank goodness Cameron and company didn't stumble upon the set of "Survivor"; the site of roasted rat would have sent these beauties into convulsions.

Ah, Giorgio!

You could have cut the fabulousness with a knife last Wednesday at the Giorgio Armani retrospective at the Guggenheim Museum. There were so many celebrities -- of course draped in Armani's latest rags -- that nobody bothered to look at the exhibit! As Giorgio stood accompanied by his daughter and Robert De Niro, a whirlwind of celebrities blew by to wish him well, including Jeremy Irons (who sports more Armani than a packed runway), Patti Smith (still chic in an Armani overcoat she bought in the 1970s), Mark Wahlberg, Laurence Fishburne, Michelle Pfeiffer, and the still ravishing Isabella Rossellini. Richard Gere made no bones about giving Giorgio a big, fat kiss. Later, at the afterparty in a Upper East Side penthouse, the glamorous gang were joined by a pre-accident Lauren Hutton (get well soon, love, you leave a gap in our hearts), Liam Neeson, Glenn Close, and Cuba Gooding Jr., who took complete control of the dance floor.

Ashley Judd was there, too, getting her picture taken with Australian swimmer Ian Thorpe. (What was he doing there? I didn't see Paul Hogan!) Salman Rushdie was hopping from one intense conversations to the next; though I didn't spot him talking with Jay-Z or Lopez-less Puff Daddy, who were rapping with some girls that I believe were from Destiny's Child (but these days, who isn't in Destiny's Child?). By the time Madonna got there, the room imploded from glamour overload! I'll bet that party was an absolute mess to clean up; party hats, empty cups, cigarette butts, discarded Armani clothing!

Dishin' On The Fashion Plate

Speaking of wacky designers, Issac Mizrahi continued his desperate plea to remain relevant and famous as he opened his one-man show, "Les Mizrahi," this weekend in the West Village. Although the lights were low, a bright neon sign screaming "LOVE ME!" seemed to radiate from the very flesh of Issac. He sang show tunes with a three-piece jazz quartet, gushed about such celebrities as Audrey Hepburn and Sandra Bernhard, and even personally went into the audience to give everybody Rice Krispies treats. Calm down, honey! No need to feed us! My favorite part of his show was when he rolled out a sewing machine and proceeded to make a glorious ladies wrap out of a piece of cream linen, all while rambling on about his days of shopping with his mother in Brooklyn.

Unfortunately, I missed the performance that Helen Hunt happened to see, because Issac completely ragged on the Oscar winner's mundane costume tastes. Apparently, on the night Helen attended, Issac went a little sheepish during the segment, then asked Helen if she was mad at him. She said, "Of course not," because she's in hit films and has an Oscar, and he's bankrupt. See, dear, if Helen still likes you, you can be sure the rest of us probably do as well. Now stop acting so, so desperate!

GREGOIRE, PART DEUX:
Millions of teen girls, devastated!
Plus, a highly irritating Celebrity Quote of the Week!

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