Good gravy, what is all the fuss with this Eminem character anyway? The spunky, candy-monikered rap sensation has not only been dominating the album charts with "The Marshall Mathers LP" (his given name or perhaps an allusion to "the Beaver" Jerry Mathers?), but also has monopolized the headlines with recent, alleged Puff Daddy-like gun play. (My advice: keep it in your pants, Em! Nothin' sadder than a pop-cultural cousin of Vanilla Ice waving a weapon around, gangsta-like.) His album is also getting flak for being loaded with sexist and homophobic sentiments. Em, of course, is speaking through the voices of other characters -- this being a multiple personality twist on "Fear Of A Black Planet," no? -- and is blunting these hateful messages in the spirit of parody. Bravo, so post-mod, darling. However, I wonder if his fervent 13-year-old, white, suburban fanbase grasps the intricate, ironic tapestry that is this purported masterpiece? It would be marvelous to know that legions of youngsters purchase music out of a mature sense of wit and sarcasm. It would explain Britney Spears career, that's for sure. Mr. M&M has recently pistol-thwacked a gentleman who unsuccessfully "macked" on his wife, Kim Mathers. But is he completely loyal? Porn starlet Kendra Jade is proclaiming that she had both the platinum-selling white rapper and his music mentor, Dr. Dre, in some compromising positions after a recent L.A. concert. The porn czarina states online that she and a friend met the superstars backstage after the show and alludes to some erotic fun-and-games culminating in a saucy picture of the Dre stuck between Kendra and her pal as though caught in some tawdry libidic vice. But did Em get caught up in the naughtiness? It's his word against the porn star's, and his people are steadfastly denying the commingling. Frankly, I find the whole scenario a tad ... shady.

Coca Puffs

Is Alicia Silverstone the new Anna-Nicole Smith? God I hope not -- two Anna-Nicoles in one generation would ring in The End Times -- but some recent absurd behavior to the press suggests that the former Batgirl may be going a bit batty herself. The bubbly "Love's Labour's Lost" star and her boyfriend Chris Jarecki (from the rock group Stun, should I know them?) recently returned from the exotic city of Machu Picchu where the duo met up with Woody Harrelson and his wife to participate in some rather, er, transcendental activities. According to Ali, the quartet participated in a "religious," hallucinatory ceremony with local shamen. "The shamen performed a ceremony with coca leaves. It was just so beautiful. I didn't even understand it." (I'll let that statement speak for itself.) She also reminded reporters that "you can make cocaine out of the leaves, but we don't know how to do that." Forget that any usage of these leaves would probably bring on the same effects. Might she and her boy have been revisiting these results at the recent publicity party for "Lost" at chic hangout Shelly's? The two were seen quite literally bending the ear of one lucky journalist; The Post reports that Chris playfully rubbed booze on one of the reporter's ears, while Ms. Clueless worked the other. Oh, the extent one will go for good press!

One thing Ali doesn't share with the glorious Ms. Smith is a voluminous figure. Her new vegan diet has been doing wonders on the curvaceous cutie; she's never looked better according to my spies, and she doesn't look starved like some of Hollywood's other young stars. And she actually holds up quite well in her new film, the Kenneth Branaugh-directed musical take on the Shakespearean comedy. Maybe there's hope for the girl yet!

SOLD!

And here I thought the only things you could buy on eBay were "Ghost Rider" comic books and used kidneys! In fact, there's a treasure trove of celebrity memorabilia on the Internet auction site, though almost none of it from the celebrities themselves. Unless you count Marla Maples, the ditched second wife of Donald Trump, who decided to let go of one particular memento -- namely, her diamond engagement ring -- on the bid-and-win trading site. The winning bid? $110,000: higher than expected but not as high as some ABBA memorabilia I'm seen on there recently. While certainly tacky, I applaud Marla for turning that sour memory into a cash cow, though I hope she leaves their other wedding presents (namely bedding) off the auction block.

Brenda In Love

Kinda funny, isn't it, that the only "Beverly Hills 90210" alum to have a real job is Shannen Doherty? (That is, if you don't count Hilary Swank, whose next on-screen gig will be as the abused wife of -- get this! -- Keanu Reeves in "The Gift"!) Sadly for we shameless purveyors of intimate celebrity details, Shannen has calmed down considerably from her red-hot-bitch days. (Oh, the many tantrums we shared together! Oh the rash weddings and shameless parties!) While remaining the centerpiece of "Charmed," she's apparently also decided to repair old relationships. The former hellfire has gotten back together with her boyfriend from four years ago, director Rob Weiss. They've been seen lolling about El Lay together, and sources close to the couple say they're together for good. Of course, that's what they might have said four years ago, when the two were engaged. Shannen -- the OLD Shannen, I remind you -- abruptly broke off the engagement. Hopefully, the NEW Shannen -- the thank-God-I'm-not-Ian-Ziering Shannen -- will handle this relationship in a more mature manner. Good going, Brenda!

Meanwhile, Luke Perry, who played Brenda's old flame on "90210," has moved his attentions to the role of fatherhood. That's right, that embodiment of late 80s angst and his wife Minnie have had another child, named Sophie, to join their first infant, Jack, who's currently two. May I applaud Luke for choosing normal names for his children. No Lily Roses or Lourdes or Scouts or Soleil Moon-Fryes on this family tree! Perhaps, barring these tots' accidental exposure to Aunt Tori, the Perry progeny will grow up like normal kids.

Splash!

What is the ultimate sign of true love if you're Puff Daddy? Well, reportedly, the rap mogul has "honored" his sassy sweetie Jennifer Lopez by having her face pasted to the body of a mermaid and painted in a mural in his bathroom. The newly-finned actress has apparently adorned the Puff's bath for some time, but now that he intends to sell the Upper East Side pad that contains the unusual art piece, he might need to think about painting over it. One potential buyer of the apartment was turned off by the mural. Nothing a good, thick coat of Sherwin-Williams couldn't solve, I say! No word yet on the ultimate fate of this intriguing new usage of Jenny's body.

Liz Hurl

What man has Liz Hurley been seen with lately? Actually, it's Denis Leary, though the pairing is far from romantic. (A shame, too. Am I the only person who thinks Denis is oddly irresistible?) They're starring in the current film "Double Whammy," a title which Liz is really getting into. You see, during a recent shoot in Soho last week, Liz's character is supposed to throw a dinner roll at a belligerent diner who lights up in the restaurant. Well, seems Liz should try out for the Yankees, because she threw the roll right into the other actress' face with such force she needed an icebag.

I wonder if Liz was throwing rolls at Gwyneth Paltrow. The Gwyn was dining at Mercer Kitchen the other night with Miramax head Harvey Weinstein (and not, as I often wish, Harvey Fierstein), when she was told that she couldn't light up inside the so-so-chi-chi restaurant. Gwyn and company responded by leaving to go to other, more smoke-friendly glam bars. If I owned a restaurant and a superstar wanted to proceed down the road to lung cancer in my establishment, why, I'd let her!

SEEN!

--Sometimes I don't just see superstars on the street; I nearly run them over. On one Friday afternoon jaunt down Manhattan's Seventh Avenue, I accidentally grazed by off-Broadway hunk David Drake whilst on my way to the salon. And on my way back from the salon, I nearly smacked right into Parker Posey -- dressed adorably down in sweats and wearing headphones, looking casually FIERCE -- whose eye contact made up for the lackluster new 'do which adorned my head.

--Heather Locklear sighting of the week! This time she's munching on meat at Morton's with a bevy of sexy girls. Apparently, a table of chatty hotties lead by the former "Melrose Place" glamour queen was enough to disrupt conversations throughout the entire room.

--A raucous rock party thrown by Lava Records at Tavern On The Green left the classic Central Park eatery in near shambles as the night's performer Kid Rock had a "screaming contest" with the newest star of "Jeckyl And Hyde," Sebastian Bach. Meanwhile, Kid's Mini-Me companion Joe C got so drunk that he passed out and had to be carried onto the Tavern's patio. (It must take one wine cooler to get that li'l man wasted!)

--Did I miss something? When did Al Pacino and Beverly D'Angelo start going out? I had some spy reports of the duo about town recently, but I didn't realize they were actually shacking up! Al got a Griswald! The cute duo caught Rosemary Clooney's cabaret act at Feinstein's (as in Michael) last week and spent some time with the songstress and aunt of Jorges Clooney backstage.

--Much further downtown in the West Village last week, you could have spotted Rupert Everett standing outside that lovely, little restaurant Da Silvano with a most intriguing new companion -- a perfectly groomed black Labrador retriever. Ruff ruff!

Coming up later this summer, kids, a G-Spot celebrity event so big that it will take two coasts of fabulons just to maintain it! More later...

Until Liz Hurley stops throwing rolls at me,

Gregoire

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