I, Gregoire, vow that the words "Oscar" and "Academy Awards" will not be mentioned in this column for six whole months, and if I do inadvertently mention one of these two now-overexposed items of scorn, you, the reader, will be allowed to exhibit a moderate amount of shock and reprimand me however you'd like.

That is, after this column, natch.

Because if they decided to give Academy Awards right now, based on all the movies released or ready for release between January and April, the nominees for best film would be "High Fidelity," "Erin Brockovich," "Return To Me," "U-571" and "American Psycho" (the latter two riding on the best buzz of the moment). Of course, if they gave People's Choice Awards out now as well -- can't get enough of those! -- truckloads of ugly statuettes would go to "Brockovich," because America loves movies about breasts and radiation. (Forget that "High Fidelity," to describe it in the spirit of the film, simply ROCKED.) However, during this imagined tri-annual Oscar ceremony, would Julia cart off the Oscar for Best Actress? In a perfect world, why, no! To whom would she lose it? To her romantic comedy rival, of course, Ms. Sandra Bullock!

In "28 Days," I was shocked to discover that Sandy displays more depth and range than has ever previously been required of her. She rises to the occasion, playing a jaded New York writer whose substance abuse lands her in a New Age-y rehab clinic filled with kooky, heartwarming, made-for-movies eccentrics. I've always liked her as a person, but her only winning performance in my opinion was a particularly deft episode of "Muppets Tonight!" I was so engaged by her performance as a recovering alcoholic that I couldn't stop talking about it over cocktails that very night! I toasted her all evening!

Okay, no more Oscar talk until October, agreed?

Bullocks!

Her star-buffing turn isn't the only drama in Sandy's life right now, I'm afraid. She's currently mourning the recent death of her mother, a German-born opera singer named Helga. That's especially unfortunate, as the release of a major movie attracts desperate, gossip-hungry journalists. Suddenly, there's renewed speculation that's she's still seeing bongo boy Matthew McConaughey, fueled mostly by friends (and, oh, what friends!) who have leaked to the press that Sandy's always been skittish and noncommittal about revealing her boyfriends. It's all a bunch of hooey, however, according to Matt himself, who's currently doing press for his latest film "U-571." According to an interview in W Magazine, he proudly proclaims his bachelorhood and vaguely refers to not understanding the "time-clock thing" of rushing to find "The One." (Judging by Breakup Girl's recent adventures, neither can she!) By the way, do ya think Percussion Magazine interviewed Matt, too?

In Sandy's time of need, we should support her by either seeing her new film or refraining from snickering at "Speed 2" for at least a couple weeks. You may, bowever, continue laughing at "Gun Shy," "Hope Floats," and "In Love And War" (how can you not?!), but keep it on the downlow.

Angie Strikes Out

Matt wasn't consoling Sandy last week; rather he was enjoying a few rousing games of bowling in Los Angeles with the stars of his upcoming film, "All The Pretty Horses," namely Matt Damon, Billy Bob Thornton and lunar-lipped Scandalina Jolie. Perhaps quick to distance herself from the incest controversy (that she herself so readily encouraged on the night of the you-know-whats), Angie has announced her love of Mr. Sling Blade in a rather overstated way: by getting a tattoo with his name! (Bad idea, Angie! Don't you realize how much it cost Johnny Depp to burn the word Winona off his arm?!) Morticia Jr. is no stranger to body mutilation, having not only carved the name of ex Jonny Lee Miller into her flesh during their wedding, but also tattooing a small "H" on herself in honor of her brief fling with "ordinary person" Timothy Hutton. (For an absolute scream, rent "Playing God," the David Duchovny vehicle both she and Hutton star in. I swear to you, I saw this film in the theater and laughed popcorn out of my nose!)

Waaaaaait a minute, you're asking! Angie and Billy Bob?! When did that happen? Well, according to sources (not Angie's frazzled publicists, who are probably all on vacations/in rehab after that love-my-brother fiasco), the two have apparently been seeing each other for months. Of course, the reason we may not have known is that it may have also been news to Laura Dern, B.B.'s last girlfriend. Sounds like Laura might have just found out herself. In fact, she may be reading this column and finding out at this very moment. Laura, our hearts all go out to you in this time of betrayal.

Romance Blooms Anew

Talk about kindling the fires of love! At the New York premiere party for the film "Keeping The Faith," its star and director, Edward Norton, was so obviously taken with his girlfriend Selma Hayek that he seemed quite hesitant to take pictures with her. He then joked about how funny the photographs will be when they've broken up "five months from now." Eddie sure knows how to treat his ladies! Maybe he should take some lessons from "Faith" costar Ben Stiller, who was at the same party a-blushin' for his fiancee, Christine Taylor (best known as Marcia in "The Brady Bunch Movie"). And how did she treat him? "It's an arranged marriage. This is actually our first meeting," she joked. (I think.) With these fine, public examples, this is sure to be Cupid's busiest summer yet!

Say Anything ... But That!

My love for the film "High Fidelity" has led me to an exhaustive research project involving John Cusack. (You'll all reap its benefits in just a couple weeks.) Got any insight into the genius of the male Cusack (as opposed to the genius of the female Cusack, known as Joan) and his effect on the romantic tapestry of American culture? Lemme know! Of course, I've been blocking out Cusack's real-life love adventures -- two years and counting -- with "Scream" terror Neve Campbell, though I've just learned that they're near to announcing a, gasp, wedding date. Tell me it's not true!

McLove

The next spokesperson for the McDonald's chain of fast-food restaurants may not be Ronald McDonald, but rather that other big painted clown, Courtney Love. Seems the alterna-diva, once linked with Selma's hangin'-by-a-thread beau Eddie Norton, has such an insatiable need for salty McDonald's french fries that ten large orders were brought in for her during an afterparty for Stone Temple Pilots' truly spectacular concert at Irving Plaza. The slender potato snacks were served in silver bowls, and Love apparently chased the fattening fried sticks with bottles of champagne. What a class act!

Sightings

-- Friday went to Broadway's True West last weekend along with a veritable gaggle of famous folk. First, she spotted Jennifer Jason Leigh a mere two people ahead in the pre-show ladies' room line. John Lithgow and Tobey McGuire also made Friday's Seen! list. This in addition to the show's already yummy stars, Phillip Seymour Hoffman and John C. Reilly.

--Beige, the ultra-and-in-fact-too-too hip gay night at The Bowery Bar, was the dinner destination for Madonna, Julia Roberts, and Rupert Everett just one month ago. How to top that extraordinary star sighting? How 'bout this triumvirate of gay power: Calvin Klein, Barry Diller and David Geffen having dinner together while hundreds of wanna-be models, actors, and singers stood about, trying their hardest not to look like they were trying to get their attention...?

-- The dashingly dressed Laurence Fishburne, shopping at Shanghai Tang on the Upper East Side, being asked "if he worked there" by a clueless old biddie.

-- Alan Cumming, the one man who could beat out Angelina Jolie in the weird department (but in a good way), being toasted at a Marie Claire magazine party, while such fabulons as Jennifer Jason Leigh, Nicole Miller, and perhaps incorrectly invited Monica Lewinsky looked on. (By the way, I wish people would stop scrutinizing Monica's diet. She was positively crucified in the press last week when somebody saw her eating potato chips. Do I need to turn our attention back to the fry-hoarding Courtney Love?!)

-- Baldwin drones Alec and Billy paddling to the finish line at a celebrity kayak competition. The blue-eyed boys captured the prize over competitors Bobby Kennedy Jr., Giancarlo Esposito, "Chicago" sex goddess Bebe Neuwirth, and ruler-of-the-eyebrow-universe Peter Gallagher.

G-Mail

This might scare you, but I received MAILBAGS of letters with the following sentiments ...

"Gregoire, just to let you know: I got the new 'N-SYNC CD, and you may want to give it a chance! And just wondering, who are the cute ones and ugly ones in your opinion? And which one is the one you just left out?! LOL!"

"Gregoire, you are definitely a hoot to read! You actually kept me interested down these long, long, black and white paragraphs. [G: Er, thanks, I guess.] By the way, I am embarrassed (in the closet you might say) that I find a couple of 'N-Sync children quite cute. I don't especially like their music or videos, but they have this hook on me -- a trance maybe -- where I find myself watching their cheesy videos. Whom do you like? I'll share mine if you share yours (if YOU dare)..."

I will admit that I gave the "history-making" 'N Sync CD "No Strings Attached" a chance. And now I'm giving it a chance to prop up a broken table leg here at the HoJo Restaurant! But seriously, 'N-Sync are sort of a funky-looking version of the Backstreet Boys to begin with, and most of them are going to grow up looking like Burt Reynolds or Rick Schroder. But, if trapped on a desert island and forced to choose among their feeble number for whatever purposes I may design, I'd go ...

1) Chris (seems reliable and sane, the musical equivalent of a solidly made compact car)
2) Lance (or rather, he'd be the one to like ME)
3) J.C. (normally, he'd be number one, but that boy will break your heart!)
4) Justin (too popular, arrogant, and a prime candidate for rapid aging)
5-9) Various species of flora and fauna found on said desert island
10) Joey (I mean, look at him)

Of course, given a more democratic choice, I'd select over 'N-Sync any member of the following groups: Backstreet Boys, 98 Degrees, Westlife, Matchbox Twenty, and Crosby, Stills, Nash & Young. [I vote for O Town, but that's just me. -- BG]

"Gregoire, I noticed that in one of your recent columns, you made a comment about Britney Spears that went something like this: 'I officially give her eight more months before she's performing at state fairs.' I saw this and just HAD to tell you that Britney currently DOES state fairs. This past year, she performed at the almighty West Virginia State Fair, and people were absolutely clamoring to go."

Britney among the swarthy carnival people and agricultural contests? Why does that seem like an absolute match? Actually, I was referring to the musical lineups of your more typical state fairs, which feature such "headliners" as Air Supply, Crystal Gayle, George Thorogood, and Right Said Fred. Strange that I, too, was clamoring to see Britney Spears at my county fair when I was growing up, back then we called her by her proper name: Tiffany.

Until I surpass Carson Daly as the absolute authority of teen music (Tiger Beat, I'm ready for my close-up!),
Gregoire

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