THE HISTORY OF PANTYHOSE IN AMERICA: BREAKTHROUGH TECHOLOGY REVEALS THE WOMEN INSIDE. The latest from Espresso Press, this collection of "nine sleek and shapely stories that breathe" comes inside cool cardboard pantyhose packaging (nope, not in an egg).

RELATIONSHIP HANGOVER. I've mused on this page about the number of engagements bound to have taken place on/in honor of the dawn of the new millennium. Yet Salon's Shelley Emling reports that the Brits -- always ones to drive on the other side of the road -- have seen a dramatic surge in principe-de-siecle divorce. (Well, okay, here too: "'I couldn't get anything done this past week because people constantly have been calling or e-mailing me. These are all people who are upset that their husband or wife has just left them,' said Diane Sollee, founder of the Washington-based Coalition for Marriage, Family and Couples Education.") Possible reasons? Impossible expectations for New Year's Eve, nice round-number deadline for ultimatums, "it's a bummer to break up before 2000" feelings. Understandable. But don't be hasty, folks; at least wait 'til Groundhog Day to see if you see dark shadows.

YOSSEL'S TOESSELS. Your 2000 hat budget already in the red? No worries. You barter for these bitchen knit caps. Just don't become "the guy with the hat," okay?

SUPERCENSORED. CBS radio apparently reported that football fans around the country are being stymied in their efforts to learn about this Sunday's Superbowl via the Internet. Seems that smut-proofing filtering software installed on some browsers spots the "XXX" in "Superbowl XXXIV" and thinks it's a porn site. Quips BG colleague Marjorie Ingall, "Well, there is a lot of butt-patting."

WYNONNA FALLS FOR HER BODYGUARD. Quick, what'll we call the country song? "He Watches My Back"?* "They Say Trouble's Brewin' When Your Bodyguard's Fixin' Breakfast"? "Baby, I'm Makin' Time and I'm Also I'm Makin' Time and a Half"?

CELTIC LOVE. No, not a Larry Bird memoir: it's an anthology of stories about saints, wizards, fairies, and heros "from a time when love was subversive, sexual, and eternal." (Like, "when unicrons [sic] roamed the planet.")

* inspired the following song by Colin

I never was a woman to need watchin'
I always stood my ground and took a stand
But when he came in, I felt my knees go fishin'
And now, for once, I will stand by my man

He watches my back
And I keep movin' forward
He watches my back
And I keep movin' on
He watches my back
And I just keep on growin'
He watches my back
I could get used to this here song

I never thought that love could bloom so closely
Never dug 'round with my hoe, or used my trowel
We even watched that movie with Kevin Costner
But I didn't see the heart beneath scowl

He watches my back
And I keep roaming backroads
He watches my back
Week by week, Day by day, and hour by hour
He watches my back
And I don't feel so lonely
He watches my back
And I like to watch him shower

Now when I've finished playin' up here for you
I'll go backstage and thank my stars above
Sure he's packing heat, that's why I pay him
It may be heat, my darlin', but it's love

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