THE FACTS OF LIFE ARE ALL ABOUT BOO! From the Why Didn't I Think of That? File: The Blair Warner Project.

ILLUSION 2K. Elite Models has announcedthe launch of a new division dealing only with virtual models -- and has introduced its first: "Webbie Tookay." (Geddit?) But wait, won't this take jobs away from real women? Oh, never mind.

WELL, NOT IN MALAYSIA. Nik Aziz Nik Mat, a top leader of opposition Parti Islam Se-Malaysia, recently announced that he'd made it a point to employ less conventionally attractive women. According to Reuters news reports, he told the Kelantan state assembly: "Pretty women have already been endowed with looks. They usually end up having rich husbands. It's the women who don't have the looks that we should give a little help. We give them jobs, so they can have money." Okay, then what intern will he date?

GETTING YOUR STUFF BACK: DO THE MATH. According to Newsweek, mathematician Alan Taylor and political scientist Steven Brams have patented a mathematical formula ("Adjusted Winner") that calculates who gets what -- weighing in financial and emotional value -- so that it all comes out nice and even. Not recommended for use on the first dinner date bill.

YOU CAN CHECK IN ANY TIME YOU HATE. New York Magazine reports that The Envoy Club is now offering "Suddenly Single" packages, offering swanky shackage to those who no longer, shall we say, get a mint on the pillow at home. Including self-help tapes, deluxe linens, and attorney listings, the suites start at $4800/month (30-day minimum). Whew; hope that Adjusted Winner thing works.

OPHELIA SPEAKS. This collection of original writing by adolescent girls gives one hope that she's been revived after all.

"ANGEL" INSIDER! What does the future hold for a centuries-old hunk? Will LA steal his soul this time? Check the AnGeLInSiDeR thread here!

STILL SEXY: HOW THE BOOMERS ARE DOING IT. According to noted sex writer/researcher Susan Crain Bakos, sex continues to define and enhance the lives of this demographic. Even with really bad music in the background.

THE iBOOK. Chris says, "They should have called it iWANT."

NATIONAL SMILE WEEK. Next week. Freeze that way!

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