THE SWING BOOK is king. A big bad voodoo resource — history, fashion, how-to, where-to — for following in the six-count-basic steps of Writer Boy.

MODELS EGGS, INC. The new ronsangels.com auctions off the ovarian eggs of actresses and models, offering an excellent resource for parents who are unable to have half-Borg children on their own.

THE CENTURY OF SEX: PLAYBOY'S HISTORY OF THE SEXUAL REVOLUTION 1900-1999. It's the coffee table book you hide in your sock drawer.

BE FRIENDS WITH THE SINNER. Having long reviled "those Sodomites," Jerry Falwell is now saying, "We can have friendship with homosexuals ... We can have friendship with people we disagree with." Yeah, but we call know what "Let's be friends" means.

"I'M NOT DEAD YET!" Supporters of the Equal Rights Amendment, citing an obscure legal precedent (the Madison Amendment, introduced in 1789 and finally ratified in 1992) say they've still got more time to get the necessary approval of three more states. Of course, they're being dismissed. Which I guess proves their point.

INTO TIMES SQUARE. Last week, the New York Times chronicled a daring expedition led by David Breashears, co-author of the new Last Climb: The Legendary Expeditions of George Mallory. As John Tierney wrote: "The dream seemed almost plausible. If anyone could get a stroller across Times Square, it was the man who had led the expedition that got a 42-pound IMAX camera to the peak of Everest." Tierney's account inclues gripping passages such as: "Heading under the scaffolding on 42nd Street, we're plunged into a dark, hellishly narrow cave. Sloshing through filthy lakes, we head toward a distant light, but the escape is blocked by the line outside 'The Lion King.'" (Mad props to Gregoire, who makes this trek to his headquarters every night in his Prada-style loafers.)

THE ONLY WAY WE'LL MAKE IT THROUGH THE NEXT MILLENNIUM. In response to an article on blueberry "bagels" by William Safire, one Ed Flynn of Little Rock addresses the following to the NY Times: "Real bagels do not contain berries. The world must return to real bagels in order to survive."

YOU'LL NEVER HAVE TO LOOK UP A NUMBER ON YOUR PALM AND CALL FROM YOUR CELL TO SAY YOU'RE LOST AGAIN. The new eMap is a global positioning system, electronic map, hotel/restaurant/business finder, and comedy goldmine — " MEN will ASK FOR DIRECTIONS if they can USE A GADGET for it!" -- all in one.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, ADAM GOLDBERG. I'd had a printout of this page up on my wall for months, and I still forgot to, like, send a card. Well, I guess that's healthy.

TV GUIDE NEEDS TO KNOW! Save Marc Anthony!

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