THE BLAIR WITCH PROJECT. I am still creeped out. Will do for camping what Jaws did for the beach.

GAYDAR. From the Why Didn't I Think of That? file, it's the Lovegety for same-sex cruisers! Also, straight women.

DROP DEAD GORGEOUS. Fargo meets Heathers meets Spinal Tap ... BG says put down that hotdish and runway, don't walk, to this pitch-black pageant parody. Opens today.

MR. PEANUT. America's jauntiest legume is back -- and ready to add new spark to this guy's marriage! As Planters VP David Yale told the NY Times, "Our research shows Mr. Peanut to be seen as a regular guy, everyman ... the character has become a leverage point to talk about the quality, taste, and fun that separate us from other nuts." Uh-huh.

250 WAYS TO MAKE AMERICA BETTER. From the editors of George magazine, ideas from everyone from William F. Buckley, Jr. to Chuck D. -- and BG's fave rave couples therapist, Sharyn Wolf. Her plan: "Teach people how to flirt." Her duly substantiated conclusion: "Good flirting would end terrorism and the feral look in a supermodel's eyes." This would make America a better place."

I'M WITH THE BAND. The New York Times reports this week that at high schools across the country, being in the marching band is now "cool." Aha. So BG's geeky "do an activity!" advice is not so geeky after all.

MY DATE WITH SATAN. Pushcart Prize-winner Stacey Richter's stories take you into quirky, twisted worlds where dates, proms, and personals are even more surreal than yours, I promise.

THE EXES. Maturing hipster diva Pagan Kennedy's latest: four former lovers make tense music in a Boston rock band.

MY CORK WILL GO ON. Swiss luxury food company Caviar House is now selling bottles of Monopole Champagne salvaged from a 1916 shipwreck. Price: $4000 a bottle. Hurry!

GIRLS RULE. So can we all get over the bra thing?

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