LUVBUZZ. Singles slurp spiked sno-cones while they flip through binders of questionnaires filled out by dates-to-be -- whose digital photos also appear on video screens. Drip meets The Real World! (1438 Third Avenue between 81st and 82, NYC. 212-717-0100.)

OR YOU COULD START SORTING EARLIER. A new government-run sperm bank in China accepts donations only from men with a masters' degree, minimum. The goal: populate the country with "attractive, intelligent children." Did they read about those folks soliciting Ivy League egg donors with prescribed SAT scores?

WANNABEADS. The waiting list for Princeton art history grad Zoe Metro's Powerbeads is/was apparently longer than the one for Monica's lipstick. Celebs and civilians have been beading up with these nuggets of crystals and stones believed to confer/attract, like, all of the D & D attributes (rock crystal = strength, amethyst = intelligence, etc.). "I wear the anti-depression, and because I feel that I have this magic celeb approved amulet it sort of works. Plus, it's an outward badge saying I don't want to be depressed anymore," says my tipster pal J. "If I wore the love beads I'd use them like the beauty pill taken by the women on Star Trek. I'd think every guy thought I was beautiful, and was in love with me."

BUT MAYBE MONICA SHOULD. According to a poll conducted by the Romance Classics Channel, Ms. L. is the woman U.S. men least want to marry (then again, I for one -- maybe two -- do not think it's so hopeless). For their part, women would run the other way down the aisle from Dennis Rodman, Donald Trump, John Bobbit, OJ, and, well, the President. What about Dr. John Gray?

SEX AND THE SENATE. In related really important news, readers have voted Hillary Clinton numero uno on Men's Health's "strangely sexy" list. They also love Martha Stewart and Janet Reno. Wonders Salon's Amy Reiter: "Am I the only one to feel a sudden rush of respect for Men's Health readers?" Nope.

WORKINGMAN'S BEST FRIEND. More and more folks are taking their dogs to the office, and I don't just mean people who work in grooming salons or fire stations. As long as no one minds/is allergic (like Paul! Rats!), I think this is delightful. Oh, and nd as long as people do not think it's "cute" to, like, dress their dogs for work.

A CLEAN SHIRT. JC Penney has pulled clothing company AND1 's line of basketball-themed T shirts with slogans such as ''Your game is as ugly as your girl,'' and ''You like that move? So does your girl.'' In an interview with Sports Illustrated, company president Seth Berger insisted that ''Trash talk is a crucial element of basketball, part of what makes it great and gives it flavor." (As Gregoire quipped: "Yeah, if men can't badmouth their women, then how can they play a great game?")

GO, HAMM AND THE GANG. Looks like women's soccer, on the other hand, doesn't need trash talk to have mad flava.

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