MILLENNIUM BANDSTAND. Dick Clark has announced a list of the most-enduring tunes of the millennium. Chosen by poll, the winning songs date from Nirvana to Elvis. In a separate poll, this century was chosen as the only one of this millennium.

NO HOLIDATE MOVIES? Hey, didja notice that there's no big Hollywood romantic comedy out for the holidays? (No "Re: You've Got Mail: [2].") Unless you count "End of Days," I guess, in which Satan comes to New York to find a bride. (...by 6 PM on his 30th birthday = "End of Bachelor Days.")

BIG HAIR/FOOT? Searchers are reportedly hot on the trail of a red-haired, corn-eating, ape-like beast lurking in China's Shennongjia Nature Reserve. I think it's Carrot Top.

BEETS ARE MURDER. The Chick-Fil-A chain has begun offering a special version of Veggie Tales storybooks with their childrens' meals. Now kids are saying vegetables are too cute to eat.

REAL WORLD: BUNKER. MTV is assembling six people to spend the turn of the millennium -- and thus assure human survival -- in a "Y2K-proof" bunker. Overheard: "Actually, I am the last man on earth!"

REAL WORLD: INTERNET. On January 1, Mitch Maddox (who had his name legally changed to DotComGuy) will enter an apartment ... and not leave for a year, surviving only on what he can hunt and gather on the Internet (and being webcast). At least we know where he can get advice about his crush on Jenni.

ALLY MCFURBY. Playmates' The Amazing Ally can joke, play games, read stories, and "learn" details about her human. Someone get one for DotComGuy.

WOMEN LIVE LONGER? By seven years, according to the World Health Organization. Or maybe we just lie about our age.

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