ACCORDION AWARENESS MONTH. Started yesterday! Poster boy: Dwayne Dopsie.

THE LILITH FAIRY. Her namesake event starts Thursday. Defender Stratocaster may steer clear.

HOME IMPROVEMENT IMPROVEMENT. Pencil, schmencil. The swanky Repeater 25 tape measure takes voice-recognition notes as you go. But don't do you dare use it as The Ruler.

"DEAR JOYCE..." I keep forgetting to write about this. Probably because now I'm afraid to write anything down. Ex-in-the-Rye Joyce Maynard sells her love letters from J.D. Salinger, only to have their new owner return them to the rightful one. I'm telling you guys, give this stuff to Schlesinger, not Sotheby's.

BOONDOCKS. Aaron McGruder's bold new comic strip -- call it Boyz in the Burbs -- has been picked up by nearly 200 newspapers within two months of its debut -- one of the largest such launches in comics history. Some readers are riled by its in-your-face take on issues of race; editors stand fast. It's about time someone kicked some Family Circle ass.

GIRL BOSS, DEUX. The latest numbers from the National Foundation for Women Business Owners show that the number of people employed nationwide at female-owned firms has more than doubled since 1992. Nice to know that BG, Inc. is keeping up with the Ms. Joneses.

THE SOUND AND THE ... FINALLY! Next week, the Virginia Quarterly Review will publish a short story by William Faulkner ("Lucas Beauchamp: An Unpublished Story") that was rejected 50 years ago by Harper's and Atlantic Monthly. Here's hoping your rejectors will realize the error of their ways sooner rather than later.

VALLEY GUYS. According to data compiled by the San Jose Mercury News, there are 5400 more unattached men than women in CA's Santa Clara County -- ranking ahead even of Anchorage, Alaska! Courage, Amber, courage!

HOLA, ADIOS BARBIE! For the holiday weekend, check out adiosbarbie.com's "BarBcue:" amply sized, unconventionally beautiful discussion boards -- hang out and dish here about looks, the other size that matters, and more. 'Cause on the Internet, nobody knows you didn't shave.

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