IT'S BREAKUP MOM'S BIRTHDAY! Send tidings to bg@breakupgirl.net and I will duly forward.

ALL SINGLES, ALL THE TIME! Meet the person of your dreams, Breakup Girl ... or both! Tonight at the Perry Party.

STILL UNSINKABLE. "Titanic--Ship of Dreams" is scheduled to open tomorrow in Orlando. It's a $7 million interactive attraction allowing visitors to feel (up to a point) the experience of being a passenger on the ship Please tell me there's a sign that says "Warning: You Will Get Wet On This Ride."

Y2K BABY. This weekend's your window, ladies and gentlemen. But don't let me hear you using this opportunity as a pickup line.

CHERYL HAWORTH. This 15-year-old Savannah sophomore-- considered the strongest woman ever in the USA -- is our top medal hope (male or female) in Sydney 2000, where women's weightlifting will debut. Apparently, a local high school football coach refused to bring his team to the gym when she was working out because he didn't want them to be intimidated. If I were the coach, that's exactly where I'd bring them.

POKEMON. The new Furby (only quiet). These Nintendo-created critters -- whose name is short for "pocket monster" -- have gone from the Game Boy to TV to comic books to stuffed animals, trading cards, lunchboxes, etc. And also, no doubt, a porn takeoff.

THE SALISBURY STEAK ANNIVERSARY. Happy Birthday, TV dinner! (You can send your own greetings to the Swanson people.)

DICK TRACY WATCH. It's a watch ... and a cell phone! Samsung has not yet set a date for US release of this product, but whenever you get it, please use it to track "Hours I've Resisted Calling."

TOYS IN BABELAND, DEUX. A federal judge recently overturned the year-old Alabama law banning -- for "reasons" of "obscenity" -- the sale of vibrators. In the words of my merry tipster: "Women all over the state responded, 'Yes! Yes! Yes!'"

KLEZMERPALOOZA! At 3pm on Sunday April 11, 1999, Toad's Place, at 300 York St., New Haven, CT, will host an intercollegiate festival of Yiddish dance and folk music, featuring performances by the Yale Klezmer Band, the Princeton Klez Dispensers [Okay, that is a riot. -- BG], Brown's Yarmulkazi, the Wesleyan Klezmer Band and the New England Conservatory Klezmer Band. The event will only cost $5 and is FREE with a student ID. For more information, please contact Jeff Perlman via email: jeffrey.perlman@yale.edu or by phone: (203) 436-1360 or contact the Yale Hillel at (203) 432-1134.

THIS ONE'S SERIOUS. MFPR, LLC has brough to my attention the efforts of War Child (and War Child USA) to get actual stuff into the actual hands of actual refugees from Kosovo. Join the likes of Luciano Pavarotti, Spike Lee, and David Bowie and lend some support if you can.

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