ADULTERY. Hunter College English Professor Louise DeSalvo "explores the relationship between reading about adultery, committing adultery--and writing about adultery." Hey, just like you guys!

PHANTOM MAKEUP. Yves St. Laurent has launched a Star Wars-branded cosmetics collection "with unique color harmonies for the new millennium" including "Amidala's Red" and "Naboo Pink." Breakup Mom says my hair makes me like a Wookiee, but I think that's different.

SLOW DANCIN' ... SLAYIN' TO THE MUSIC. Close your eyes and pretend you're at the Bronze with Angel. Shut up, I totally did that.

BOXERS' BIRTHDAY. The tighty-whitey arch-rival was born 98 years ago this Wednesday. Just think how "Young'un" can celebrate!

TALKING 'BOUT MY GRILL. Says Betsy: "Superheroes often have to eat on the go, grabbing bites between showdowns, breakups, etc.. Now I don't have to worry about BG going hungry because we can cook grillicious chicken -- from fridge to fricassee in just five minutes! -- thanks to my new George Foreman Lean Mean Fat Reducing Grilling Machine!" (But now BG is worried that Bets is going to leave her for a life of infomercials.)

WAY BETTER THAN RAISINS. Speaking of healthy eating, Jump magazine suggests UNICEF's "nonfat way to trick-or-treat." Also, it's a good cause.

THE PARTY GIRL COOKBOOK. Quick, replace all that fat with the Spicy Pumpkin Praline Squares in the October chapter of this Guide to Throwing a Smashing Bash.

FREE MAMMOGRAMS. "For millions of women, the problem is not the checkup, it's the check." Not this month: click here to find out more about free screenings for babes over 35.

PANDACAM. There is a baby panda here. Breakup Girl, Schmeakup Girl; look at this website if you're feeling sad (consider it your enrichment item). THERE. IS. A. BABY. PANDA. Okay, I have to watch; I can't even write any more Superlist.

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