FIVE WIVES. Opens today. All his exes live in Texas: director Tessa Blake pours her trust fund into this documentary about her billionaire octogenarian oil lawyer dad and his five former wives, life among Houston's landed gentry, and generally cranky -- if not racist -- attitude. According to Seattle Weekly, the film "provides a fascinating glimpse into the Southern code of male/female relations. At one point, Blake asks a passerby, 'Describe the typical Texan socialite woman.' The fellow immediately responds, 'Blond hair, a fur coat, and a shotgun.'"

GIRLS JUST WANNA HAVE GADGETS! Barbie, beware! Beanies, be gone! Bring on Girl Tech's Door Pass (an alarm that warns bedroom-inhabitants of intruders/parents), Keepsafe Box (with remote-controlled lock), and, best of all, the Password Journal (with a voice-activated lock)!

ROSWELL. Jason Behr knows what it's like to feel like an alien at school.

BUFFY & ANGEL BACK FROM THE DEAD. BG's TV critic's comments: BUFFY's coming back strong, successfully spinning the new environment, but the Slayer said it herself: "It's a lot like high school." BONUS MOMENT: Willow geeked on college/knowledge metaphor. WHA?: Sunday lets Buffy off?! WHAT MUST HAPPEN: Keep reality-check/fantasy-world balance intact and reflect college-triggered personal growth and change. Way doable. UPSHOT: Bring on Season 4. ANGEL: Not a perfectly smooth take-off but a forgiving audience will fill in the blanks. Biggest challenges are A) making Cordy sympathetic and B) justifying her attachment to the storyline (and vice versa). BONUS MOMENT: Winters catches on fire as he's falling and only the chair hits; extra credit for killing Tina. WHA?: For all Angel's 'sensitive skin' he seems to have a pretty sunny upstairs; Doyle's powers/provenance were all shorthand last night. WHAT NEEDS TO HAPPEN: Angel needs to add a layer to his troubled immortal routine; a Doyle back-story arc needs to emerge. UPSHOT:We're there, but not locked in yet.

I-ZONE INSTANT POCKET CAMERA. It's teeny! It's instant! It makes stickers! Perfect for the gal who wants to, quick, leave her mark before she gets back on the go.

NATIONAL COMING OUT DAY. Whereever you are! Monday.

THE BIG BAM! FOUNDATION. October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month. You should be aware of Big Bam! -- founded by teeny spitfire Janice Bonadio -- which was formed to raise awareness of and research funds for the growing health concern of breast cancer in women under 40.

NATIONAL DEPRESSION SCREENING DAY. Ooh, I'm on a roll. Anyway, it was yesterday, but don't be bummed that you missed it. Click here to find out more about handling the blues.

NATIONAL BABY MONTH. Well, it's not, but at the rate my friends are reproducing, it seems that way. Maybe I'll get them William Wegman's new Baby Book, featuring a weeny Weimaraner. Or myself a puppy.

NATIONAL PET PEEVE WEEK. Next week. Don't you hate these things? Anyway, if you're so inspired, send me your relationship pet peeves (jaw cracks when chews, doesn't like anchovies, attends John Birch society meetings) -- tell: which ones are peeves? which ones are dealbreakers? -- and I'll mix 'em into a column.

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