20 DATES. "Wow, was that a bad date," you say when you finally straggle home. "If I go to hell, my punishment will be that I have to watch it on tape, over and over." For Myles Berkowitz -- BG's guest this month! -- that hell is now. This docu-comedy of Myles' dating debacles -- with a twist happy sunsetty ending! -- offers a hilarious adventure in self-esteem: no matter what, you can't date as badly as Myles. You'll laugh, you'll cringe, you'll say, "There's hope for me yet." Opens today in New York and LA.

AIR ZOOM SEISMIC. The word on the streets of Niketown is that this is the next Air Terra Humara. My spies tell me it looks like a prop from Star Wars. I'm thinking: excellent indulgent-yet-healthy post-breakup splurge: it's a shoe, and a "now-I'll-really-have-time-to-exercise" accessory.

CHE WEDDING. According to Reuters reports, the certificate from Che Guevara's 1955 marriage to a Peruvian has been swiped from a Mexican public records office. See, that's why I don't have one. Risk of theft.

TOYS IN BABELAND(c). In The Technology of Orgasm: 'Hysteria,' the Vibrator, and Women's Sexual Satisfaction, Rachel Maines traces the socio-mechanical history of the device that "was developed to perfect and automate a function that doctors had long performed for their female patients: the relief of physical, emotional and sexual tension through external pelvic massage" (NYT). Now Alabama can ban the book, too.

SEX TIPS FOR STRAIGHT WOMEN FROM GAY MEN. Maggie Berman and Uber Gay Friend Dan Anderson offer witty -- and explicit -- descriptions of all manner of how-tos, how-tease, and how-t'OOH!s. Basic techniques, plus: The Princeton Belly Rub, The Flying Wallenda, and more. Now we're talking about gay role models.

A RETURN TO MODESTY: DISCOVERING THE LOST VIRTUE. Fig leaves are back! BG will have plenty more to say about Wendy Shalit's new teacher's edition of The Rules, but listen up: this book does serve as a big giant most-welcome stickie reminding us all that saying "no" or "later" or "on our wedding night" does NOT mean you're uptight. Shalit might be, but you're not.

PACKABLES. Danskin's new line of pre-packaged, non-wrinkling clothing staples. I'm thinking: toss in your bag the night before in case of Walk of Shame.

THE 15TH ANNUAL INTERNATIONAL CAT SHOW. At Madison Square Garden this weekend. Single women: go here (i.e. look), not the pet shop (i.e. not buy).

THE SCORECARD AT WORK. From the author of guys-will-be-guide The Scorecard. Sample point system for Office Breakup technique: "You break it off at a place far from work. +1 / ...during the weekly staff meeting -56..."

PERCHANCE TO SPOON. Select Comfort mattresses come with air pumps that can harden or soften each side of the bed separately; BG expects a noticeable drop in letters to her advice column. Also, Tempur-pedic's mattresses have temperature-sensitive "memory molecules" that conform to your shape. Now how about molecules that conform to your memory of someone else's shape?

OUT ON TV. Sweeps time is Coming Out Week, it seems: Jack McPhee on Dawson, Ryan Crane on Felicity, Julia's upcoming bi-curious rebound on Party of Five. The Bad People want these shows to carry an HC ("Homosexual Content") rating. Hey, yeah, maybe all this will "encourage" kids to be gay. Maybe it will also "encourage" them not to beat gay kids up.

THE MALL OF AMERICA. Breakup Girl actually had dinner here on Tuesday (at Cafe Odyssey. Hello, banana creme brulee). Anyway, everyone should see this place. Then it should be torched.

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