WOMEN'S ICE HOCKEY BASICS. Now there's really no excuse for women not to play hockey. And yeah, that's me in Chapter 3. Now there's really no excuse for men not to buy this book.

WOMEN'S PROFESSIONAL FOOTBALL. Even more women's sports, even fewer excuses. The newest -- yes, it's not the first -- football league -- yes, it's tackle, not flag -- has kicked off its barnstorming tour. "At first I thought football was a pansy sport, because of the pads," one team member (a former rugby player) told the New York Times. Ah, it's all relative.

"SINGING THE PINK BLUES." Wish this were old news: Mothers Who Think's Margot Mifflin plays bad cop at the American International Toy Fair, "where gender apartheid flowers freely in a hothouse of go-go commerce: girls get dolls, kitchen sets and makeup packaged in Pepto-Bismol pink; boys get weapons, action figures and vehicles in everything but pink. The color-coding starts at birth, and the role assignments kick in when children are still toddlers..." Thank goodness Breakup Parents raised me right. I had dolls and lizards. Though the lizards died a lot, so maybe I should have had more dolls.

SIGNS OF THE APOCALYPSE, part 379. Samsung Electronics has announced that it will soon unveil the first mobile phone with a built-in TV. But you can't watch ["The Adventures of Breakup Girl"] and talk about it with your friends at the same time. So what's the point?

NOT A FUNNY ONE: DATING VIOLENCE. A new study finds that about 2% of students in grades 8 through 12 have experienced violence in their dating relationships (and that those who have experience violence are more likely to have other troubles such as early pregnancy and substance abuse). This counts as good news on account of there aren't enough studies on this to begin with. And yeah, there's a reason I put this one after the one about toys.

NO, REALLY, THEY'RE GOOD BUGS. Never mind life on Mars -- what's going on in our mouths? A new kind of DNA analysis has led scientists to discover even more -- over 500! -- creepycrawly little bacteria guys in our mouths than heretofore realized. Most of them work to help digest food and fend off the bad bugs. Okay, but I'm still going to brush.

DENTAL DOTS. Keep your next ad hoc shackage looking spontaneous -- and tasting fresh -- by popping one of these critters on your finger.

BRAD PITT TURNS 36 TOMORROW. Wow, if he's this tightly wound now, imagine when he's 40?

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