CALLER ID IS SO FIVE CALLS AGO. Bang & Olufsen's BeoTalk 1200 tells you the caller's name, allows you to make custom messages for different subsets of people -- and it looks cool too. Now if they could just come up with a gadget that makes people call.

PERFECT PASTA. Those of you who have not succumbed to carbophobia will adore Brookstone's new Pasta Smart -- a spoon with a built-in timer -- which allows you to stare into your home-cooked-dinner date's eyes uninterrupted by al dente checks.

THE KISS. Al locks lips with Tipper on international television. Parental advisory!

LOVE & SEX. Opens today. You know I'm skeptical about any "dating's wacky and sucky!" movie, but here's the word from officemates who caught advance clips: It's funny. "It really captures the way smart people actually fight," said a friend. Well! Maybe I'll have to forgive director Valerie Breiman for this.

KISS & MAKE UP DAY. Actually, it's today! I say fake-fight just for the payoff.

QUICK, BEFORE SUMMER ENDS. Dive into Aqua Erotica. Yes, it's actually waterproof.

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