HEY, CHOCOLATE HAS PROTEIN. Breakup menus and their meanings: Dark chocolate, the red wine of chocolate, says: "Damn it, I deserve a treat." Milk chocolate, the white zinfandel of chocolate, says: "Damn it, I don't deserve dark chocolate." Visit this site to check the label on your own sweet passion/poison.

CYBIKO INTERTAINMENT SYSTEM. Wired chat? So five gadgets ago. Now you can pass notes in algebra...to someone in bio.

THE ULTIMATE RESCUE FANTASY. Stranded hikers plucked from a mountaintop by...Indiana Jones? ("Mr. Ford, would you mind coming back and saving me again, only this time would you, when you find out I'm in trouble, say that thing you say in all your movies -- you know, 'MY WIFE?!'")

THE GUINESS RECORD. May the finest of Sirs rest in peace. And/or become more powerful than we could possibly imagine.

BARI KORAL. This recovered "theater brat" left the stage -- and her day job -- under the influence of the likes of Chrissie Hynde, Patti Smith, and Joni/Ani. BG caught her countryish rock, along with the voice that's been called "the best in NYC," at Oxygen's National Tank Tour stop in Philadelphia (where she actually managed to draw listeners away from the German beerfest going on nearby) -- and you can catch it here.

AUTO-ALANIS. Write your breakup here, then write a song about it here. (Or here.) (Or just listen to Bari.)

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