Love is a two-letter word to me, my dears: reader mail! Here's a sampling....

" I *love* the column! Major points for Communards reference, even more for Chuck Woolery at the DQ. Wouldn't life be nice if it were always like that? Like, you're all pissy and tense at the ATM, and Jimmie "J.J." Walker comes over to tell you a few jokes to pass the time? Or you're just about to get into it with a reckless driver cutting you off, and Betty White steps in to intervene?"

-- Marybeth

You didn't think I was going to start this with hate mail, did you? What kind of selfless fool do you think I am? Personally, Marybeth, there's nothing like a good old fashioned star interaction to brighten your day! About seven or eight months ago, I was at an ATM vestibule feeling rather ickly and wiping my nose with a Kleenex when I turned around to find that Oscar winner Frances McDormand was looking right at me (or actually at my money machine, I was holding up the line). The cold left my body like an exorcised demon!

"No hot tips, no big inside scoops, but on a trip to Burbank from Chicago this past weekend (where I spotted a freakishly-dressed Rod Stewart going into Lord & Taylor), I was pleased to find that Elijah Wood travels coach. What he was doing in Phoenix (my connection city), I didn't ask, but he was very gracious at the airport, giving autographs and taking pictures with folks. I thought it odd that he wasn't at the Awards, but perhaps that's not his bag. Although he's far too young for me, he does have THE most beautiful skin. *sigh*"

-- hammonda

First of all, ma chere, do not ever underestimate the gravity of a simple star sighting. I have always thought that Elijah was much cooler than Lucas Haas (for some reason, I group them together in my celebrity-cluttered head) and your sighting affirms that he's not afraid to be noticed. He may fly coach, but its a sign of first class in my book.

"I ran into Quentin Tarantino at a coffee shop in West Hollywood the other day. I was grabbing some coffee before I headed over to work. I went up to him and introduced myself. He was very friendly. I told him that I loved Reservoir Dogs, and he began chatting away about some movie he was working on, who was in it, etc. etc. I had to stop him in practically mid-sentence and told him I had to get going. He was nice, but what a blabber mouth."

-- Alix

Well aren't we spoiled! If Quentin had cornered me -- some random fabulous stranger - and told me that stuff, I'd be flattered. Not that I'm a huge fan of his, and frankly the sound of voice physically turns my stomach, but it's always fun to get some caffeinated insight into the mind of a genius (or wanna-be genius). He may have just been frustrated and needed an ear. Next time you see him don't run away. Make him buy you a drink!

"It's Betsy, BG's trusty assistant, writing in with some quick celeb sightings:

Paul the Intern and I saw Death Of A Salesman last Thursday and, while standing outside in the arctic tundra of the evening, we spotted Alec Baldwin -- a mere four feet from us, mind you -- walk right on in to the warm and cozy theater. He looked good (we didn't notice any bloat) and was sporting the requisite greased back coif. On the way out, we spotted a beaming Uma and a (surprise, surprise) greasy-haired Ethan walking arm-in-arm. Tres cute.

That's it from my celeb-studded existence; save a gimlet for me.

Betsy"

Sorry, doll, already drank your gimlet. How 'bout a long island iced tea?

Speaking of Broadway, a spy of mine happened to be attending the opening of Natascha Richardson's new British import Closer and was literally mowed over by the celeb elite! As she strolled down the red carpet unnoticed the man in front on her was suddenly assaulted by photographers and one eager Cindy Adam. Indeed, it was a displeased Harrison Ford, answering Cindy's "one word on the Oscars, Harry?' with a gruff "Boring!" and sped off. At the after-party, with Oscar royalty Judi Dench and Edward Norton in attendance (do these people take the Concorde from coast to coast?!), my spy also spotted Uma Thurman, and Uma spotted her. "Hi, how are you?!" she greeted my source and then sped off, realizing that she didn't know this person at all.

"Could you possibly try to dish some really nasty hateful gossip on the woman I love to hate, Gwyneth Paltrow?"

-- lady latoya

Lady Latoya (love your name), it's very easy to sling barbs at Ms. Perfect, because deep down everybody is desperate to hate her. That's her ironic appeal! It's more challenging as a reporter of celebrity gossip to find good things to say about people, such as the fact that Gwynnie was seen on Tuesday at a LA health food store buying some juice and being really gracious and nice to onlookers who wished her well. She even looked normal-looking (i.e. halo and queenly demeanor left at home) sources say. There's word that she hooked up with Felicity's Scott Speedman after the Oscars as the Vanity Fair soiree, but their reps simply insist they're just friends. Lady, maybe I can find something nasty to say next week.

[Gregoire! This just in at press time! I heard she and Ben came to their senses and got engaged! Secret wedding in the works! Let's get on that! As in, on that invite list! -- BG]

A missive from Breakup Mom ...

"As if we needed additional proof of the astonishing silliness attached to the Y chromosome, I actually heard on the radio today that [David] Kelley, the writer of The Practice and Ally McBeal and most other things, was leaving Melanie Griffith for Calista Flockhart???????? "

Actually, he would be leaving Michelle Pfieffer, not Melanie (Antonio would be doing that), but in fact David isn't leaving Michelle and Antonio isn't leaving Melanie. Which leaves Calista in the arms of ... Ben Stiller. Though Ms. Skinny has been seen in the embraces of Ben Affleck recently, seems the real love connection is with the There's Something About Mary star, at least according to whispers around Hollywood. I'm personally skeptical -- it sounds like such a *random* coupling -- and wait for the premiere party for Flockhart's upcoming film A Midsummer Night's Dream before sending flowers.

"The fabulous coke ho Faye Resnick, (of OJ and Nicole fane) was spotted at a Feb 14th wedding molesting a beautiful man half her age, then when she cut her foot because she was dancing around barefoot, wasted out of her mind, she reportedly required 5 security guards to bandage her footsie up."

This is the kind of gossip I eat up with a big fat spoon (as long as it's true, natch)!

"I'm confused? I thought Chelsea Clinton went to Stanford. Did she transfer, is she in a long distance thing with Jake, or is he in California with her?"

-- emily

She DOES go to Stanford. What you read was an example of "displaced, improperly fact-checked gossip impaired by Stoli Peach and tonic." Thank you -- and all ONE MILLION of the rest of you -- for catching this faux pas.

In regards to my turn of phrase "... ended up more boring than a Helen Hunt hairdo"

"You can put this thing to rest! You are so mean, after what you wrote about Helen Hunt! Lay it to rest, PLEASE!"

-- anonymous reader

Do you mean lay it to rest in the same unflattering, wiltingly flat way that a Helen Hunt hairdo is laid to rest? You have to admit, her hair looked better on St. Elsewhere!

"Hello I am new girl. I am from Puerto Rico.... I like a famous actor is Brad Pitt and I love Ben Affleck... I saw that why I love movie a dance with me!!!."

-- shemahia

Darling, I couldn't agree with you more!

Next week: Jim Carrey's latest (it's not Courtney Love, thank GOD!), the eminent hottitude of Adam Goldberg [yeeeaaaaaaa boyeeeee! -- BG], and why is Claire Danes reading about vibrators?

Until The Nanny: The Movie, I remain ....

Gregoire

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