Gossip -- With Gregoire!

Tuesday, January 26, 1999

Gregoire here, at the Times Square Howard Johnson's, looking great after a brief bout of being miffed. Not long ago, while I'd stepped into the powder room, a couple of tourist lovebirds occupied my base of operations/corner booth. Then, in front of God and my divine chili fries, they began to make out. (Public displays of affection in restaraunts = grounds for humiliation.) I slipped Gracie a note to give to the irrepresible duo, informing them that MTV was just outside filming another episode of "Sex In The 90s" -- and wouldn't they like to show their love to the world?! They dashed to the street, Gracie procured my gimlet, and I now beam from my booth in delight, knowing that the camera crew outside is actually filming another commercial for "Cats." Let the memory live again...

Birth Of A Supermodel

Leggy (as opposed to the stumpy ones) supermodel Cindy Crawford, over the hill at 33, preps for her future as a Woman's Day cover mom by announcing that she's pregnant with her first child, sired by bar czar hubbie Rande Gerber. Due to drop in June -- just in time to model the winter collections -- Crawford claims to have always wanted children, but I imagine her marriage to Richard Gere presented a bit of an obstacle. I say cheers, Cindy! I've never seen an infant with a mole, and I can't wait! May your little Linda or Antonio have greater success than your recent television work, the "Sex With Cindy Crawford" (which was less exciting than, say, "Sex With Estelle Getty").

Galloping Lopez

Last week I reported that extra-padded hottie Jennifer Lopez was seen playing around Miami with slender Latin boy Marc Anthony. Well, before I could stir my swizzle stick, I heard that she's more recently been seen sizzling with another hot pan of paella, flamenco star Joaquin Cortez. Considering that his ex-amor is Naomi Campbell, and that Lopez is now in the city that's home to her alleged fling Puff Daddy, I'd say these two better stick together. Plus, flamenco dancing is sooo sexy. I saw "The Addams Family." Cara mia!

Moss Goes In Zane -- and other couples dull or delightful

Here's a scary pairing: match-thin model Kate Moss and Titanically bad actor Billy Zane. Apparently the two irritating celebs were seen dining together on Kate's 25th birthday. Zane's mouthpiece to USA Today said they were just friends ... but then added a big fat wink-wink. I'll give Moss -- the most detrimental influence on the shape of women since Jayne Mansfield -- the benefit of the doubt, since she may still be a little wobbly from rehab. Kate, remember this mantra: weight will only make you stronger.

Jenny McCarthy is engaged to film director John Asher. Anybody care?

Divine Claire Danes is not marrying her babyfaced Aussie rock star Ben Lee. The two were seen entering a church down under, where the press is evidently even more gullible than it is here. Besides, the combined age of these two puppy lovers is about, like, six. Then again, they're probably old enough to be Mr. and Mrs. Macaulay Culkin's grandparents.

Saw the Gena Rolands/Sean Connery flick "Playing By Heart," and it's a surprisingly sweet date movie ... but bring a scorecard. Its hundreds of separate little plots make a Robert Altman movie feel like a Teletubbies marathon. But Gillian Anderson and John Stewart are -- somebody slap me! -- sooo cute together.

Reel Love?

Occasionally in this scandal sheet, Gregoire shall raise a skeptical eyebrow toward the celluloid lovers of television and film, and wonder if love would endure were their coupling real.

This month I turn my attention to America's most safely romantic couple, Meg Ryan and Tom Hanks.

What if, one day on the set of "You've Got Mail," Meg and Tom got really drunk on red wine and rum candies, looked into each other's eyes and saw that the love they were portraying on the screen was but a paling of the passion they held for each other? Embrace, cute smirk, kiss, cut!

Jan 1999 : After several secret rendezvous, Tom breaks it to Rita Wilson, who beats him up. Meg takes Dennis Quaid to Elaine's for dinner to drop the bomb. He cries over his filet mignon and picks up the waitress, an aspiring actress and the future Miss Golden Globs.

Feb 1999: The cover of Time: "Infidelity chic!" Clinton is cleared of all charges and openly thanks Meg and Tom in a press conference for making "cheating respectful again."

May 1999: Both have the month off between shoots and thus the chance to spend lots of time alone together. They elect to sit in separate rooms and talk to each other via the Internet.

September 1999: Their sex life -- never really much of a powder keg to begin with -- becomes distant and unsatisfying. Meg starts sleeping on the couch with the couple's Abyssinian cats, Belle and Mulan. (Meanwhile, Dennis and Rita have a one night stand together after margaritas. They decide it won't work out but remain friends and confidants.)

February 2000: Meg sees Dennis at a PETA benefit. They have make-up sex in a mink-filled coatroom.

March 2000: "Tom, I think it would be better for our screen chemistry if we didn't see each other so often." Meg uses the hurt in a performance that will eventually win an Academy Award. Tom joins AA.

November 2000: "Rita, Rita, pick up the phone, it's me baby, your Gump! Pick up..." Rita stares at the answering machine, smoking and smoking. Soooo over him, she smiles.

Until next week, mon amour, you know where to find me,

Gregoire

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