Two for the Road:
How to Travel in Tandem
continued from page one...

Road Food of the Gods

So... you've been patiently waiting for the MOST IMPORTANT SECRET to travelling together. The BTD knows of what it speaks, my friends, and we are not kidding when we say:

Blood sugar is the key to the whole thing.

Sounds almost too simple, doesn't it? Well, it's true. Learn it. Repeat it. Chant it on your journey and you will come to understand the romantic wisdom contained therein.

Think about it. The one common feature of any trip is that your routines are going to be totally screwed. And nothing will sabotage a lovely afternoon like being a victim of a blood sugar failure. Why? Because it makes you irrational and you have no idea why! Sometimes, the only thing that stands between the two of you and an afternoon of discord and anguish is the stray Clif Bar in the glove box.

The great thing about this rule is that it is self-reinforcing. If you both agree to announce when you are about to freak out for no apparent reason, then the pressure is off and you can make snacking a priority, as it was meant to be. With a little cooperation and foresight, you can potentially go weeks at a time without bickering. Well, okay, you'll bicker a little, but you don't have to argue.

If you're driving, bring a cooler packed with a handy ice substitute and a good mix of both of your favorite snacks. Make time to pick up food on the way out of town or when you stop to gas up. Of course, healthier food is better, but we recognize that sometimes things simply can't be helped. Better to chow on a bag of greasy chips than hurl epithets you'll regret after dinner.

If you're flying, don't put yourself at the mercy of the prison guards we call flight attendants. They can neither be hurried nor influenced (come to think of it, they should be politicians). Thus, the strategic packing of a few energy bars and a bottle of water becomes essential. (Also, as a side note, wear earplugs when you fly; it drastically cuts the stress of the roaring engine, leaving you more helpful and friendly when you arrive at your destination.)

Feeling Comfy Outside Your Comfort Zone

Human nature says it's almost impossible that your comfort zone will line up with your adorable's. If you are lucky enough to find someone who shares the same sensibilities about things like packing, sleeping, eating, driving, and fooling around on the road, then by all means, scoop them up and clutch them to your bosom.

Otherwise, be prepared to shake off -- or at least shake up -- your old habits. You might be surprised at what you find. If you find yourself wigged at the notion of staying with your paramour's friends, people you've never met, get over it. First of all, they like your honey, too, and sometimes they have hot tubs. At very least, they can give you a good restaurant recommendation and tell you where to park.

If you are the all-weather camper, be flexible enough to enjoy a night in a nice hotel once in a while. It'll keep your other happy and there's nothing wrong with a nice hot bath (always worth a few extra bucks!). If you're the type to drive all day and all night, consider breaking the trip up and doing it in relaxed, scenic legs. [Insert "scenic legs" joke here.] Are you the big spender on the trip? While you might feel you're being nothing but magnanimous, keep in mind that going on the cheap for a while might be important to your... future.

One caution: if your travelling companion has a very strong affinity for eating breakfast at diners -- and of course you need a good breakfast to be at your best during a long day of driving, it only makes sense, am I right? -- then be prepared to work off the extra few pounds after the trip. You can decide how to exercise together when you get back.

Music Appreciation

And, by all means, consider this an opportunity to catch up on all your sweetheart's favorite music. Especially if you're riding shotgun, it's your duty to let the driver be the DJ. If you have serious "jump out the window" type deal breakers, then negotiate the playlist before you're hit the road. New music is sometimes best at sixty miles an hour. And you never know what you might discover. (The BTD is listening to the Dixie Chicks right now.)

Got all that? There's no guarantee that you won't have to battle your turtledove's family dog for sofa space (and there's certainly no guarantee that you'll win). But, with just a little flexibility -- and the MOST IMPORTANT SECRET of travelling together -- you can make sure that, this holiday season, you two will jingle all the way.

Colin Lingle is a very good driver. Seems like he was just writing about Halloween in the Castro.

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