Two for the Road:
How to Travel in Tandem
or, I Know That Was Our Exit and You Don't Have to Point with That Finger...

by Colin Lingle

Perhaps, if you've taken the advice of a previous BTD column or other, you have already found yourself a holiday hottie worthy of some authentic winter's night snuggling. And perhaps you are wondering if things might, like, survive until spring.

Well, stop wondering. Because if you want to know whether you and your other of significance are compatible for the duration, there's nothing like a little travel to sort you out. How many couples of longstanding have you ever heard say, "Well, we're really meant for each other, but WE JUST DON'T TRAVEL TOGETHER." None. You've never heard such a thing.

With the holidays fast approaching, the BTD is now delighted to give you a few pointers on bending-but-not-breaking during the long drive to the parents' house, or the cabin, or hotel made of ice, or wherever. Not only that, but, as a public service, we will actually reveal THE MOST IMPORTANT SECRET to travelling together.

Can't We All Just Get Along?

When you set out on a trip with your honey, you're going to learn things you never even expected to find out. And it's way beyond how they voted. It's about how they are in their wide, unanalyzed, in-between moments. How the twin demons of crisis and ennui effect their souls. How they smell when they go three days without a shower.

The key to travelling together (but not the MOST IMPORTANT SECRET), is mastering the ability to adapt as a couple to the ever-changing scenarios of a trip. When you're on your own and you want to pull over for a third Arby's stop, there's no one but the voices in your head to talk sense to you. Add another (real) person, and suddenly, every moment is ... social!

You'll start to see the subtle power balance shifting and exerting itself the instant you start making decisions. Where are you going? How will you get there? It's best if you do a little preparation before these questions get sprung. If you don't get the answer right the first time ("Why, yes, honey, I would love to go spend eleven days with your Aunt Chlorinna and the cousins."), it'll be hard to make things right later.

It's best to have an idea of what's most important to you for your vacation or holiday before the conversations begin. Even if it's taking a much-needed break from everything and just sofa-surfing for three days, you'll have a less stressful holiday if you know going in what you want.

Now, that's NOT to say that your plans won't change, that you shouldn't be open to new things (and new foods), or that you get to skip holiday shopping and just watch Felicity. But you'll be much happier if you can say, "Why, yes, dear, I would love to spend time with your sister's hellions... I mean, children; but I do want to get a hike in, as well." If you wish, remove the word "hike" and insert something you like better.

We're on a Road to Nowhere...

Any veteran of the couple's holiday trip knows that the politics of vehicular co-habitation are complex. Even in a rental, there is a delicate balance, a dance of personal automotive authority that must be respected. Herewith, some tips for when you go by car:

If it's your car...
Leave plenty of room for your companion. Don't make them squeeze their feet between stray soda bottles and tire irons in the passenger seat. You have every right to ask for navigational services from them, but you can't blame them if they don't have that kind of brain. Don't be snippy about feet the dashboard (though you can make a sock rule). And, if it's a multi-day trip, prepare yourself for the inevitable coffee spill.

If it's their car...
Pack light. Always a good rule, but you may be tempted to just load up the old jalopy, even for an overnighter. You should take up only as much room as you and the minimal amount of baggage require. Why? Because this will earn you points. Also, you don't want to be making late-night, icy-rain-type trips to the car for that one other bag with the one thing. Don't fiddle with the volume knob. And don't spill your coffee.

If your beloved is a seatbelt resistor, exercise the moral high ground and make them wear it. If you are a seatbelt resistor, put your damn seatbelt on. Please.

Are you ready for the MOST IMPORTANT SECRET of travelling together? It's only a click away!

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