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SHOUTOUTS

To Bongo from Meli:

Hey, I'm 23 and never had a boyfriend. For some reason, most men prefer the babes, and I'm the "nerd" type with thick glasses. I'm in grad school, but everyone here is married. I'm not religious, so church activities are out. I signed up for a dating service and met a guy who reminded me of Santa Claus. Chemistry was zilch. I kept wanting to pull out a list of presents. Bottom line: don't feel too lonely because there are women out there who like the intellectual type. (Glasses are really attractive, IMNSHO.) I'd give you my e-mail address, but you did specify "hot chick," and I'm not sure what your definition of this is. I'm a stickler for accuracy. Anyway, good luck. The babes are out there.

Also toBongo from Misako:

I'm a "hot chick." I date nerds. If you're anything like the nerds I've known/dated in my time, you're sweet, slightly shy and intelligent, yet somewhat preoccupied with technical flimflam, as well as being unattached, all of which predisposes people like me to date no one but nerds. (No, I'm engaged. Sorry.) So if all else fails, take heart...and BG's advice. Girls, hot and otherwise, date, love, sleep with, and marry nerds. Don't give up the hunt.

ToBroken Up And Broke from Wapner:

You do have one other option, in case your ex's parents aren't cooperative. If you're really determined to get your money back, you can take him to small claims court, which is relatively inexpensive because you don't need a lawyer, and it should take less than a day to resolve. (If you've ever seen "The People's Court," you'll have an idea of how it works.) Look in the city listings of your phone book for the court in your area, and there should be someone there who can explain how to file a small claims suit. You'll need to bring proof of the money spent (hope you kept your credit card receipts) and be prepared to convince the judge that your bf promised to pay you back. Don't be surprised if he tries to weasel his way out of it, though -- just about every episode of "Judge Judy" features a woman trying to get money back from an ex, while the guy stands there pleading innocence: "She never said anything about paying her back, Your Honor. She bought me that Porsche as a gift because I needed a car to drive to work." If the judge rules in your favor, then your ex will have to pay. If he can't give it to you all at once, maybe you can arrange a payment plan. But whatever happens, you'll have learned a valuable lesson: Never lend money to anyone unless you're prepared not to see it again. Yes, a lot of people are honorable about repaying their debts, but by assuming this attitude, at least you won't be caught by surprise by the irresponsible ones.

BG responds: OOH! Now go bond with this predicament of the week.

To all those "Great, But ..." folks from John:

It could be you've got the situation completely right, but it also could be that you're actually not satisfied with other parts of your life and that you are placing the blame on your relationship rather than on the actual cause of the unhappiness. In other words, you're with your sweetie, yet you don't feel completely happy so you figure it's the relationship's fault. It might not be. So look around at the rest of your life and take stock of it to make sure you're not about to make the biggest mistake of your life.

To Waiting for Now from Goose:

I was so your girlfriend several years ago. S. and I started dating when I was 14 (I'm now 22) and he was 17 (now 25). Dated all through high school. Then my senior year came along. I wanted to do high school things with high school people. So we broke up. We got back together the summer after I graduated. Meanwhile, I had decided to go to college about two and a half hours away. We lasted a little while but eventually broke up again. I started dating some loser, ended up getting pregnant, and gave the baby up for an open adoption. S. came back into the picture right after I found out I was pregnant. Loser wasn't around any more. S. stood by me the whole way, while I put him through more than any person should go through. But the point is, we are back together and getting married in March. Even though I loved him when we broke up, I needed to do some things on my own and decide who I was without him in the picture. We have never been happier. I guess what I'm trying to say (and I know this sounds so cliché) is that if it's meant to be, it will happen. You have to give her some space for her to realize what she is missing. I know that's what happened for me.

I have no idea about the stepsibling issue.

To BG from Not So Frustrated:

Not too long ago I was your Predicament Of the Week. Thanks, I think. Well, thanks for taking the time to answer my question; now I want to give you a quick update on my situation. But first, you really DO have super powers. I mean, how else could you possibly know that we went to see Die Fledermaus? You are truly amazing.

Anyway, like two weeks ago, Ann and I had a little phone conversation that started out with: "Welcome to Dumpsville . . . population, you." OK, that wasn't exactly how it went; we all know she's far too polite to say anything like that, but that was the gist of it. And to do it over the phone...well to steal from you, BG -- tacky. What was she thinking? Obviously breakups were not something they covered in charm school. But I can't say it was really a surprise. I mean, it was as close to a mutual breakup as you can get. And I'm...OK. Really OK. You know, we just weren't getting along (in spite of your advice), and I think it was pretty much inevitable.

Since then, I've been reclaiming my social life. I've been going out a lot more and heading back to some of my local haunts. Not to meet anyone, but just to -- I don't know -- just not to sit home cooking dinner for one, depressed. Because while I'm OK with the breakup, it still sucks. To have everything that you're looking for in a person except for the single fact that you tend to irritate each other is, well, irritating.

In the meantime: a job I interviewed for (locally) came through, so I quit my old one (no, Ann and I didn't work together). My last day with the Evil Empire will be 9/9/99 -- take that for what it's worth. But the new job is a pretty sweet opportunity for me -- so I've got that going for me, which is nice. I've started reading my favorite Rand book Atlas Shrugged for the third time. I'm taking two weeks off before I start my new job to do a solo hike of the entire Wonderland Trail, a 90+ mile loop around my favorite volcano. And I'm good. Sad, but good. A little time alone and some new surroundings and I'll be great. Really great.

BG responds: You go! And about the opera, hate to, um, "dieFlede" your opinion of me, but, well, it alliterated.

To BG from Formerly Addicted (Breakup List 8/9/99):

After one "slip-up," which lasted a few strange weeks, my pal and I are finally "just friends." I am staying at his house for a few days, and we are really and truly for the first time sleeping in separate beds and not being intimate. It's liberating. And we have more fun, too. Thanks for the kick-in-the-head advice. You were sooo right.

BG responds: Who-hoo! Glad you got/came clean!

Also to BG from Lydia:

Frankly this concept of "Brady dating" sounds hellaciously similar to housemate interviews, where you and the other person have to decide if you like each other on the basis of one interview, and if the other person doesn't like you, you feel hurt even though you rationally know it's "not your fault." Meanwhile, you're looking at other houses and they're looking at other people, and you sit waiting by the phone making little priority lists, and everybody strings everybody else along while they're seeing other people. Gah! I'm indecisive ENOUGH without dating multiple people at one time. No "dates" for me, thanks. Serial monogamy is so much less stress and trauma. I'd rather just (figuratively) move in and see how it all works out. If I don't like it, I'll move out. This is how relationships are more humane than househunting.

BG responds: Hey, I didn't say you had to date multiple people. I'm just saying hey, a lot of us have a lot of stuff. It's a pain to move it before we know if a place has great closets. Know what I mean?

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