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Bizarro World. The only place where it's possible to "break up with someone without hurting their feelings."

Boy Soy. The opposite of a boy toy. The one you actually talk to.

Brady Dating. Not: having two dates on one night, one to a costume party and one to a regular party, so you have to have one wait in the den and one in the living room and then you change into and out of your vampire outfit as you pass through the kitchen. Rather: going on dates. One by one, maybe more than one date-ee at first. Going slow before "steady." Enjoying the impatience. Helps you know how you feel before you move in.

Coffee Friends. When you stay friend…ly after a relationship. Kosher-style. Dutchy-feely. Contact limited to occasional "Great, you?" coffee summits that prove how mature and civil (and incredibly happy) you are.

Cyberdating. Fine. A great place to start. But make sure you actually meet at some point, okay? Because if you think it's lame to wait by the phone, try waiting by the computer.

Diamond in the Roughneck. What women hope to find when they date "jerks."

"Everest" Relationship. Someone you date because they're there. Might have good enough for Hilary (Edmund), but it's not good enough for you.

The Flirtation Continuum. The realm of the general flirty fizzy buzz as an end unto itself, and thus, no one flirt- or date-ee is the be-all -- well, end-all -- of your love life as you know it.

Florence Nightingale in Shining Armor. A woman whose mission is to date a man back to health. (His issues resolved, he will then start dating someone else.)

Friend-Bound. When a recently-single seeks Everything But in a [very frustrated] new mate. Also known as The Zipless Rebound.

Good Sport. Breakup Girl at her ex-boyfriends' weddings.

Grecian Formula. 1 trip to Crete + 1 great little dress = 1 man out of hair.

I Can't Believe It's Not Boyfriend. Going through the motions of being "friends" while you still have the emotions of being boy/girlfriend. Tastes bad, less fulfilling.

Loftbuilder. A guy who who does favors, chores, and odd jobs for the object of his affection rather than, say, asking her out. Synonym: "Friend." Ahem.

Office Romance. Tricky, but at least you know s/he has a job.

Hitting on someone whom you know is taken. Illegal.

The Porch Test. How to tell if this one's the keeper. Can you picture yourselves together at a ripe old age, settin' together on rocking chairs on the veranda? (Results invalid if that's all you do right now; you should probably get out more.)

Pre-relationship breakup. You've planned the wedding; s/he doesn't call.

Rebound. Chicken soup for the loins.

Relapse. Post-breakup hookup with ex. There is, after all, no aphrodisiac like a breakup. As in: "You look great without ... commitment."

ReZenge. The best kind: doing nothing in retaliation. Sends the supercilious message that Mr./Ms. Thang has no time even to acknowledge such a petty act of lameness/evil.

Sex. The only activity in the world that makes reasonable, secure people have thoughts like "Does darkness make me look fat?"

Snood. Also, nosegay, alphabet shower, etc. Words that you will actually understand after being a member of 473 wedding parties.

Space. In a relationship, healthy distance or breathing room. As in: "I need space. So we'll sleep together; we just won't spoon."

The Rules of Dating. Much ink has been spilled over this topic, but as far as Breakup Girl is concerned, there are really only four:
1. Be nice.
2. Take "no" for an answer.
3. Whoever invited pays.
4. No dates at Hooters.

TUPPIES. Couples who stay Together Until Prom.

"WHY [don't you love me anymore]?" Don't ask.


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