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SHOUTOUTS:

To Jodi from Jenn:

This is a shoutout for Jodi, who feared that her experience with an untrustworthy man would turn her into a snooping cynic -- I've been there, too many times, and in fact until recently I was a big believer in true love, but only for other people. But the saying is true, you really do have to kiss a lot of frogs... I finally found someone worthy of trust, and although I did have one insecurity flashback a few weeks into our relationship, I handled it by asking him very bluntly what he is looking for -- and he gave me a straight answer, and I haven't had a doubt since then! So good men do exist, and your gut will tell you when you find one.

To Astrologically Confused from Stars Didn't Break Us Up:

Hold on a sec before rushing to decide your romantic future based on one small astrological chart. Not that I believe in such things, but any professional astrologer worth her salt would tell you that your sun sign (the one you see in all the newspapers and magazines) is only a part of you, astrologically speaking. The full picture of your personality depends on the positions, angles, trines and aspects (and lots of other confusing concepts) of the planets at the precise time and place of your birth. That's why people born under one particular sun sign aren't exactly alike (which is good news for all those Tauruses who share their sign with Hitler). In order to determine your true astrological compatibility, you and your guy would have to get your complete charts done by a pro and see how you match up. But even if a full-garbanzo professional reading indicates that you and your guy aren't a match made in heaven, there's nothing that says you can't do your damnedest to prove the stars wrong. My husband and I are Scorpio and Leo. Every sun-sign magazine article I've ever read says that this pairing is disastrous -- filled with ego conflicts, battles for control, jealousy, passion that quickly fades, lots of hurt feelings and an inevitable breakup. Well, it's been nearly seven years, and we're still waiting for all that excitement. So far, we've been getting along just fine. One final thought from Shakespeare: "The fault...lies not in our stars, but in ourselves."

Also to Astrologically Confused from Lioness:

I'm an amateur astrologer. I've been studying it seriously for 9 years. It is very, very dumb to not date or dump somebody on the sole basis of their chart ain't compatible with yours. I dated plenty of guys whose charts didn't, well, exactly fit with mine, but I went out with 'em anyway. I would totally discredit all those Sun sign love compatibility charts. They're garbage. There's 9 planets plus the Sun in a birthchart, and the whole enchilada must be considered. Not just one slice. Comprende? By the way, I'm a Leo and my husband is a Capricorn, and those Sun sign charts say we'd never make it. We'll be married 2 years in September, and I won't go into the messy details, but our charts are very compatible.

To Lette from Julie:

I don't wish to open a can of worms, but I'd just like to point out that not all feminists object to porn. Some even enjoy it.

Also to Lette from the Diva:

It has been my experience that every man, no matter how evolved, has some sort of porno collection. As I understand it, this phenomenon has something to do with men needing visual stimulation more than women do. Having visited a few porn sites and being a feminist guy are NOT mutually exclusive. And your FG's lying to you about having visited said sites doesn't necessarily mean that he's a lowdown dirty lying dog. He was embarrassed that he got busted and said the first plausible thing that came into his head. Put this whole experience behind you and give the guy another chance.

To Tinkerbell from Lori:

First of all, sorry about your best friend. That in itself is difficult, not to mention your job situation. But I'm writing because as a former dating queen, I identified with your "three men in love with you" dilemma. Although I never entered into serious relationships with my dates, I thought nothing of multiple dating and thought nothing of the consequences. It's not until you step back from your own viewpoint, and see the situation in someone else's eyes, will you realize how hurtful and unfair you are being -- not only to yourself (that's another story) but to these men who so willingly lay their hearts at your feet (oh the drama!). When men do this to women, we call them all kinds of nasty names I am not allowed to write here. When we women do it to men, we feel self-satisfied (falsely) and revel in the "jealousy" of our girlfriends who can't get a date to save their lives. Harsh but true. I suspect that part of your problem is that you are enjoying the situation in a perverted, twisted kind of way. I mean, who doesn't love to be the centre of attention? Tinkerbell, you already know what to do. Most normal, healthy men will not hang around sniffing for seconds if they've already been told firmly and clearly there nothing left in the pot. Make the call, cut these guys loose and take some quality time alone to figure out what it is you really want. Its sounds as though you need some healing time. The aftermath of these situations can be brutal -- especially if you can't or don't see it coming. Good luck.

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