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Dear Breakup Girl,

I have a problem that other people might actually enjoy. I have three men in love with me.

I don't know what to do. The first guy, Mike, and I started dating around a year ago. It was one of those wonderfully passionate relationships (e.g. rose petals on the bed, bathing one another) and I fell desperately in love with him. Things didn't work out. He came from a really bad family, and has many problems that he should probably be working out with a counselor.

After our painful breakup, with him crying and holding my legs as I tried to walk away, I wanted to lose myself. I jumped directly into another relationship with this guy named Ryan.

Ryan was a great guy, treated me wonderfully, called me princess, but there just wasn't any chemistry on my part. Still, we dated for about two months.

Like an idiot, and completely out of charactor, I cheated on him. I met this other man named Ryan, and hit it off fantastically with him. I broke up with the first Ryan two days after meeting the second. He and I spent every waking moment together. We went on a vacation together, and slowly I found myself falling in love with him.

We have now been together for four months. He has been here for me through the death of my best friend and the loss of a job I loved.

I am horribly scared, so scared that I went running back to Mike. I broke up with Ryan, told him I wanted to be by myself for a while, and ended things.

Mike told me he still loves me and he wished I had never had the chance to fall in love with someone else. The other Ryan, whom I'm still friends with, is asking me out on dates and telling all my friends how much he cares about me. They all think I should get back with the first Ryan.

I'm so confused, BG. I love Ryan #2, but we fight a lot. He always talks about marriage, and tells me he'll wait forever. I don't know how to trust him after loving Mike so much. Sometimes I even feel like I'm cheating on Mike by being in love with Ryan.

What should I do? I am so afraid of hurting anyone's feelings.
-- Tinkerbell

Dear Tinkerbell,

Wow, I'm sorry about your friend.

But about these boyfriends, I really can't tell you whom to choose. It's not about that, anyway. See, you're "jumping" into Relationship X+1 with Relationship X still holding your legs. Every time. I'm not so sure you want to be by yourself for a while, because even when you say you do, you're not. I don't mean to dispense that dumb old "you need to be alone and concentrate on you for a while" advice for its own sake. But your love life is sort of like an experiment with no control group. There's no default. No perspective on what you really want or need. So instead of jumping this time or next, I'd take a step back.

Love,
Breakup Girl

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