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"Movies end, but relationships -- the ones that work -- go on. Right?"
continued.
Dear Johnny,
Dude, I hope you're making those six figures as a writer.
Can't speak for your poetry (though in principle, almost
any boy who writes a poetry book for his girlfriend should receive some sort
of stipend), but this is truly brilliant (and well-edited) dialogue. I'm just
sorry your drama is, um, "reality-based."
So here are my observations on your script. First, "what's
her motivation?"
- She bailed on Parent Eve because her big sister Conscience
showed up first. She couldn't "go through with it" with a nearing-breakup
hanging over her head.
- You're right, you don't "feel a spark" all
the time. But in cases like hers you never know which comes (goes?) first,
the chicken or the spark. Do you start to go because you fear you don't feel
the spark, or does the spark start to go because you fear YOU need to?
- By letting you know that she still misses you and all
that, she is trying to make (1) you feel better and (2) herself look better
(i.e. not like a heartless bad girl). Needless to say, neither strategy is
successful or respectful. But she does not realize that you cannot necessarily
have your ex and call him too. She just doesn't get it. Which leads me to
say:
Much as I'm sure she loves/d you and as little as I question
your overall judgment about her, it's fairly clear to me from this (admittedly/necessarily
one-sided) report that she is Not Ready to Settle Down. As you said, she is
still casting about. She is (and I mean this as kindly as possible) naive and
immature. And self-involved to the point where she doesn't get why all this
would upset you (!?). The fact of the breakup and her way of handling it just
shows me not that she is a bad person, but rather that she has not yet "found"
her bad self to the point where she's ready to share it with a semi-permanent
other. She is not necessarily searching/waiting in vain for Love Maguire; there's
not enough yet of her to be "completed" by someone else. (This is
chilly comfort, I know, but at least she didn't try and do her horizon-exploring
on your watch -- flit around, leave you hanging, and wonder why THAT upset you.)
And here's why your character is going to turn out just
fine at the end -- and/or the next beginning.
- You did not become a sad cliche on her doorstep.
- Right on: if you don't want to be her "friend,"
you do not have to be her "friend." If you need to go cold turkey,
you need to go cold turkey. You should not "take what you can get from
her when it's not what [you] want or deserve."
- You called her a "crazy bitch." I am, of
course, the last superhero who'll ever endorse free-rage ex-bashing, casual
use of the B-word, etc. But in your case,
I believe you've found a pungent -- and ultimately healthy -- way of saying
the thing that rings wan and hollow when well-meaning others say it, to wit:
"Her loss." (It also reminds me of what my dear friend's sisters
say to one another when their mom is being
difficult: "Mom's crazy." THEY DO NOT MEAN THAT MOM IS CRAZY. They
just mean to say, "Yeah, that's mom," and thus to fill in with Perspective
caulk the crusty gaps between "rational explanations" for her behavior.)
It also means that you are not asking, "WHAT'S WRONG WITH ME?" Breakups
and relationships certainly call for useful introspection, but hey, they hurt
enough on their own; you don't need you beating you up! Better to be -- as
you are -- asking questions such as: "What the...!?" and, oh, "What
is the nature of love?"
Oh, yeah, about that. Yep, relationships that work go
on (ideally). This one didn't (...if I may be blunt, in the sense that if it's
not working for one of you -- for whatever crazy reason -- it's not working
for both of you). Relationships that work also include BOTH
"all the waterfalls" AND dumbass problems. (You will also notice
that relationships IN MOVIES also include both. Otherwise, there's no story.)
And so, Johnny, though it feels bad, I actually think
you're having a pretty good goodbye; as these things go, couldn't have scripted
it better myself. And that it won't be as long as you think before you'll have
someone new at "hello."
Love,
Breakup Girl
NEXT LETTER:
"He didn't even give me a card!"