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Dear Breakup Girl,

It's me, "JulieFoolie of the Shoutouts" hoping that maybe I can be a Real Letter. (Kind of a velveteen rabbitty wish, eh?)

BG, turns out that suddenly The One Who Got Away -- my wonderful second boyfriend from my golden days of youth -- has resurfaced. (Fade to flashback...)

I was 23, went out west for two weeks, stayed for two years. He was a friend of my roommates, and while mature for 21, he was a hockey-loving partier, living with a house full of guys. Nintendo and Don Cherry were two constants there. I was fresh out of a three-year relationship. TOWGA (let's call him Stanley)...were good friends, until one night we had the ultimate hookup involving candlelight, glow in the dark stars, and kisses in the rain.

We fell apart eventually. There were the playoffs and the astronaut training camp (the "he needed space thing"), we wanted different things... two years passed. We moved across the country to different cities. But we stayed friends in a Christmas cards and occasional phone calls way.

Last fall, we upgraded to writing and calling, and have talked about what went wrong -- how it was basically a product of youth, confusion, and mutual distortions.

Fast forward to the Juliefoolie present. He has the summer off, has come to see me -- and it's fabulous. He's a best friend, a boyfriend, a partner, a lover, and more over, I have known him eight years. I know he doesn't double cross, I know he wont disappear without talking about it. We use words like long-term, commitment, and once he used the "f" word with me (FOREVER). What I have is a do-over with someone from the past, except we are both now grownups (thought still waaaaay too fond of Mr. Freezies) And it's working!

So why am I writing Breakup Girl instead of just curling up and thumping my tail in contentment? Well one, I'm starting to panic. He has to be back in his coastal town (one with a hockey team...I used to have a team, but it went bye byes a few years ago... no we aren't over it!) for six weeks in August/September. He talks about coming here after that.

And?

And I don't want him to. I could move, I have a job that travels really well, but he has little jobs (gas stations, fast food) and his career(theater). In Canada, his career can really only be pursued in cities that have hockey teams. He's a mountain boy, and the land around here is flat flat flat. And I'm the only one he knows here, and he's the kind of guy that likes to go out with the guys and drink beer and do guy things. So I'm worried about all this. Yes, it should be his choice, but I fear his moving here will cause problems down the line. I'm a nurse, he is talking about going to school for a nursing assistant job. He never talked like this before, what about acting? He says he wants to live where he doesn't have friends, just a few people he's close to ...so he can "focus." I think for relationships to work we both have to have busy involved lives, not just depend on the other partner for a social life. I'm afraid if he moves here we will get another Cape Canaveral scene, he will blast off for his "space" eventually.

OK, so I move there, but Stanley wont hear of it: "I don't want you to move away from your home and your job and your friends for me." I feel the same way about him. What do we do? Both move to Toronto (also an option), where we'd have housing issues like in NYC? But there's hockey and acting and nursing...? But how can something that is working so well stress me out so much? I'm starting to have weird dreams about this issue. And it seems to be the only issue we can't talk about rationally and comfortably... So why are the best things in life illegal, immoral, fattening or complicated?

--JulieFoolie

Dear Julie Foolie,

For you, girlie, I'm gonna do something I rarely do, and it's not just because you're (a) a Shoutout stalwart, or (b) Canadian [scroll down to May 3]. Rather than give you new ways to think about your problem and let you sort it out for yourself, I am going to come right out and tell you exactly what I think you should do. Ready?

Toronto. Move to Toronto.

Reasons why.

Reasons why not:

...Well, I'm sure you can think of way more than six. But mainly what you'd be doing is titrating, just like Skinny Insomniac. Of course something "working so well" might "stress you out." You've got scary emotions to have, big live wires to trip, big practical decisions to make -- that's the "work" in "working so well." And that makes "the best things in life" so yummily earned, so profoundly worthwhile. And just for the record? Hockey, while occasionally complicated, is neither illegal, immoral, nor fattening.

Love,
Breakup Girl

 
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