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SHOUTOUTS:

To Kimberlee from Special K:

Hey grrrl, it sucks when, for all the right reasons, you dump someone, only to get, "I guess that's the wise thing to do" as a response. I know. I've been there. Recently.

But, like BG says, if you ever break up with someone who fights it, you'll wish they didn't. You don't have to take their blasé response as a blow to your self-esteem. You can take it as a compliment to your good judgment: (1) in choosing them -- s/he's cool, not a psycho; and (2) in breaking up with them -- it can't work, and s/he knows it too. Moreover, if they're not frantically trying to talk you out of what you know is the right decision, it'll be easier to become friends.

If that doesn't work for you, just remember: they just got rejected. They're probably just trying to cover up their heartbreak. (Try to believe this. It might even be true.)

To Jessica from Been There Done That:

I am dealing with the same thing, strangely, though my parents don't like him b/c we got caught just sitting together without parental supervision (parents are way overrated). Parents (mostly Dads) know what is in a guy's mind at anywhere from 13-21 b/c yes they were kids once. Parents are mostly afraid of the consequences of sex -- not exactly the act itself. They may not say it, but yes it's true. Me and my guy stayed together for 2 months after the occurence and kept it a secret b/c to me this guy was way more important b/c of past problems with my parents. Then we broke up for 2 months or so b/c of other reasons. And then we got back together and it's almost a year that we have been together and nope my parents have no idea. My only fear is my next school year prom and homecoming they will have to know and that is when I have to face this! Take my advice.....my life would be the happiest ever if my parents would accept him. Hey, maybe in time they'll learn to love him as well--who knows. Parents have a strange way of showing they care but blocking all contact is ridiculous. So, you say you've met his mom, well, write her a letter through the mail and explain to her how you are feeling, let her respect you and tell her how you feel about sex and how you love her son and you understand her actions and don't mean to go against her way of parenting but want another chance.......AND if this doesn't work I have another idea, but that can come later! Good luck, be honest and remember ALL OUR parents have been through this once and were kids once -- too bad they have an awful memory, eh?

BG adds: Not a bad idea about the letter to the mom. But I'd use it as a forum to respect her views on sex, not to elaborate on your own.

Still more to Dateless Diletantte from Amy:

I did want to offer an opinion that didn't come up in many of the respones to "Dateless" who seems to assume that there are more chances for interesting relationships w/guys in graduate school. I'm year five of my grad. school career (somewhat directionless & burnt out, but that's another story). Anyway, here's the thing. I know this might be *really* unpopular thing to say, but just because a guy is in grad. school and might be smart (which some of your readers rightly pointed out might not be the case) doesn't mean that he is operating a higher or lower level of emotional maturity than a typical guy of that age or that he will prefer a girl who is interested in the same things/at the same intellectual level that he is. I'm not saying all graduate students are emotional stunted, but they operate much like any other cross section of the normal population & anyone expecting anything else might be disappoint. I'm dating a great guy right now who's a grad student in physics, but the last thing he wants to do after working all day is talk about physics--which is great because I'm an English major and wouldn't understand it anyway. And many other non-English grad. students assume because I study English that I want to talk about Shakespeare when after all this time studying literature I'd much rather spend my free time watching the Simpsons. This might be coming out a little incoherent, but my point is that while grad students may enjoy the stimulation of being near and/or involved w/people of similar interests and educational levels. The air here isn't that rarified and most of us like to do other things as well. So finding a smarter guy is not a reason to go to grad school.

About his own shoutout to DD from Tom (again):

Just figured I should mention that I think you were quite right to add the "Not that there's anything wrong with that" to my shoutout to Dateless Dilettante" re: being a secretary. I certainly know a number of very smart secretaries, and learned long ago that quite often the secretary is really the one keeping a workplace together. The not as well phrased as I'd've liked comment was meant to encourage DD not to identify herself wholly by a job which she didn't want to be in, at a time at the very start of her working life.

Confidential to SHEENA:

Hmm, if you're comfortable with what he does, then why did you write? I know it's hard to say no, and I can't really coach you well on how to do it in a quick paragraph. Just know that he might not think it's cool, but BG does. I'd much rather see you with a guy who talks -- rather than "does stuff" -- to you. (Not to mention one who didn't cheat on his last girlfriend.) Think about it, okay?

Confidential to TRACEY:

You know, in the big picture, what he does is pretty normal. But -- though it's not on its own Grounds for Dumpage -- it's also normal that it freaks you out. Why don't you have a conversation where you do two things (a) tell him how you feel, and (b) ask him how that stuff makes him feel. I have no idea what the answers will be, but it's a start.

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