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SHOUTOUTS!

To A girl with the fever for the flavor of football from Pat:

Maybe #3 thinks you screwed him over when you were admittedly running around behind his back. This guy might be shy but he might also have self respect and self esteem. You weren't upfront and honest about #2 with #3. You tried to hide it from him. Maybe #3 is an adult and has no need to play the "I'm juggling three guys while I decide which one I like" game.

To Cathe from Belleruth:

Say, you know what i forgot to mention?? How important it is for you to get out of bed early in the morning and start moving right away...one of the lousiest things you can do with depression and the recycling-tapes in your head is to stay in bed, get up late, go to bed late... Honest, as simple as it sounds, it's the kiss of death..and basically, a relatively simple thing to change... though it does take an act of will and leap of faith to get it rolling...

To Lizzy, Lea, Latina Lover, et. al... from Optimist:

Okay. I agree that a clingy friend-of-your-s.o. is annoying, whether male or female, ex or not. But a healthy friendship is a healthy friendship, regardless of the gender, orientation, or ex-status of the people involved. And nobody should be getting in the way of anyone else's friendships or relationships. So fine if you decide to back off because your friend's girlfriend is threatened by you, but what I wish for my friends (and myself) are s.o.'s who are self-assured enough to understand that friends are friends are just friends. Especially if your s.o. assures you in all honesty that that's all they are. Now whether or not you trust your s.o., that's your problem, and his/hers. Not the friend's. My past boyfriends (I'm a straight female) have had to understand from the very beginning that my best friends (and sometimes my housemates) just happen to be male. And I've understood if their friends and/or housemates happened to be female. Trust is a glorious thing.

Re: Latina Lover from Kakagirl:

Yahoo!!!! I love Latina Lover for putting into words what I have been feeling so long. My boyfriend always says 'How can you be insecure if you trust me?' (And I do, totally and completely.) To which I reply, 'I'm not insecure, I'm not jealous, I'm just...' But Latina Lover just told me what it is! I'm ANNOYED. ("I really, really don't think there's anything going on and he gives me no reason to feel insecure, so it's not jealousy I feel, it's ANNOYANCE.") I'm annoyed that there are people (guys do it too...) out there who knowingly make waves in someone else's relationship and then get 'offended' when the significant other is annoyed. Real friends (ex's or not) go out of their way to make a new significant other feel like a welcome presence in their friend's life. And that includes taking some time out and some steps back if need be. Because we ALL get a little insecure and nervous about relationships at time, especially at the beginning. And real friends are totally fine with that.

To Liz from John:

Don't know if this will make you feel better or not, but while my problem wasn't substance abuse, I had friends and relatives who were wise enough to let me crash and burn when I needed to. If they'd enabled me to keep going the way I was, I doubt I would now be happy, healthy, in a career I love, with a fiancee' I adore, etc. etc. At the time I was angry. I have since thanked those friends/ family members profusely for doing exactly the right thing at the right time.

I can't guarantee that the same thing will happen the guy you describe. It's up to him. But there's a very, very good chance he will thank you some day.

Let me leave you with the best piece of advice my mother ever gave me: "The weirdest thing about life is that just because something hurts really badly doesn't mean it's the wrong thing to do."

To Aimee from Wannakid?

Aimee: Please, please, PLEASE listen to BG and don't go trying to have a baby now. Like she says, your life may seem unfulfilling now, but there's so much to look forward to.

Reality check: Babies cry for hours, keep you up at night, catch colds and make messes all over themselves (and you). They throw tantrums, refuse to eat dinner and run into the street. They outgrow clothes, listen to music you hate, need help with their homework, beg for toys and tell you you're the worst Mommy in the world. And that's if you're lucky and your child doesn't have a physical or mental disability.

If you have a baby now, say goodbye to your freedom (you can't just plop the kid in front of the TV when you go on a date), your money (do you want to stay on food stamps for the next ten years?), your friends (they'll give you a shower, but won't help clean up the strained peas) and your social life -- if you think it's hard to find a nice boyfriend now, try doing it when you're saddled with a wailing teething infant. And most of all, say goodbye to a happy, stable start for a fatherless baby with a mother who's not even old enough to drive, buy a house or hold a full-time job.

Aimee, why don't you take some babysitting jobs instead? See what it's like to look after infants and young kids for a few hours, and then imagine having to do it 24/7. Or talk to some other teen moms. They'll tell you it's the hardest thing they've ever had to do. But don't get pregnant when you don't even know what it's like to be in a loving, committed relationship. Experience more of what life has to offer your wonderful self before trying to create and be responsible for another human life.

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