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SHOUT OUTS TO KATHERINE!

From DPWally:
The most troublesome part of your letter was, in my opinion, "I only had light beer as I was driving". Light beer is lower in calories (and taste) than regular beer, but it has the same alcohol content. If you went to your car confident in your sobriety because you only had light beer, then you're risking a tragedy as terrifying than the abusive relationship. Please don't wrap yourself around a tree before you have a chance to implement BG and Belleruth's advice.

From Carol:
Run and don't look back! Because BG and BR are right; if you look back, he'll be chasing you as hard as he can, all smiles and apologies and promises. And he'll look great. And his looking so good will make it easier for you to think, "He's really changed and that means I don't have to tell anyone I failed at my marriage!" Don't do that to yourself. Because BG and BR are right about another thing: you can't fix it, but he can destroy you. Been there, done that, for 21 years.

From Reentry Blues:
Okay, Katherine. I've been where you are. I've heard the promises and the lies and wanted to believe them. I wanted to believe them so much that I stayed with him 12 years. I was terrified to leave. What if he was right? What if I really was ugly and stupid and mean and no-one in his right mind would want me? Now that I've been away from him for nearly 2 years, I wonder what took me so long? I am beautiful. I am nice. I am intelligent. I am a good worker and a good friend. I am a good person and I deserved so much better than I ever had with him!! And every single day I prove it. I would rather be alone than with a loser like him. Because as long as you stay with the pain, you don't open up the path to joy and love. It's tough, yes. And it doesn't get any better. So please, get out now!!

SHOUTOUTS TO LIZZY!

From Carleen:
I know your situation all too well! My ex and I remained close friends after our breakup but his current girlfriend freaked over that fact. Although I had only seen or spoken with him a few times since they started dating and was dating someone else myself, she quickly decided that I had some master plan to try to get him back and pretty much demanded that he not talk to me. The result was that he asked me not to call him at all for four weeks, but he would secretly check in with me a couple of times. His hope was that she would become more comfortable with him during that time. Needless to say, while I understood and respected his intentions it left me feeling slightly angry since I would never ask such a thing of a friend and have dumped guys in the past who couldn't deal with me having male friends. It also left me very uncomfortable about the entire situation. Well, the four weeks have passed and he has told me that he told his girlfriend she would have to deal with us being friends and that I can call him again. However, I now feel uncomfortable doing so because (a) rightly or wrongly, I am still a little angry with him, (b) I know that it will bother her (which she tends to berate him about), and (c) I don't want to be the person the finger of blame gets pointed at if things don't work out for them. So, I decided to relegate him that list of friends you never see but still send a Christmas card to each year. It is sad, but I think it is the best. I guess my point is that friendships shouldn't be the cause of constant stress in your life and if they are, you have to question whether there really is a friendship there at all. I decided that the stress of losing a close friend would be a lot easier to deal with than the stress of dealing with his girlfriend's constant jealousy which would probably continue to damage our friendship anyway. So, maybe this is what you should do too? Sure, neither option is optimal but who needs the baggage of a jealous girlfriend weighing them down and making things difficult? Sometimes it is better to just clean out the closet!

From Lea:
Who on earth would be stupid enough to let their man pursue a close friendship with an ex- girlfriend. It does not matter if that ex has a new man or not. Old feelings have a way of coming back up to the surface.That's why it is called breaking up or ending a relationship, you actually need to END the relationship. I speak from experience. I was carrying on what I thought was a good meaningful friend relationship with my ex . Then it turned bitter. He wanted to rekindle the past in a moment of weakness and I didn't. Not only did it end up hurting me and the ex , but it also really hurt my boyfriend. You have to get your priorities straight. If you want to make your ex happy, get back together. Otherwise, love the one you're with and respect their feelings. I guarantee they probably aren't that far off the mark.

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