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Dear Breakup Girl,

It's update time!! I am the cruise-obsessed girl who found Pretty Boy (PB) to be hard to forget. Turns out it is a little vice versa.

As expected, I heard nothing from him letter-wise, and I had given up hope and was contemplating calling him at home (Poland!!) since he had given me his number. However, before I even had the chance to do so, I get a message on my machine from him - he called me from Miami to let me know he was still alive, etc., and then called again later that day from (I believe) Germany. The next morning there is yet another phone call from PB, calling me from Poland, and we chat for about 20 minutes. This all took place about a month ago. Since that time, we've spoken just about every week, but with me doing most of the calling; I don't really mind though, since I'm more aware of the time change thing.

Anyways, most of our conversations all seem to revolve around seeing one another again; oddly enough,I don't instigate or perpetuate these conversations -- sure, I would absolutely ADORE to see him again, but being the line of work he's in and where he's from, I'm not going to put my energy into believing such a pipe dream. The thing is, he gets upset with me when I don't believe him -- that I don't really know him and don't believe in him, etc. The thing is BG, I *don't* really know him!! I have no reason to disbelieve PB, but why believe and have the chance of getting seriously burned on this one? (quick info: I've been seriously burned and battered before and have gone for "help" and I'd like to think I'm beyond that one now). PB doesn't know about my past but he does know about things that are going on right now in my life...which brings me to Boy #2.

Runner Boy is a guy I work with -- completely nice, sweet, all around thoughtful type guy. I've thought he was kind of interesting for some time but he was always with someone whenever we would actually talk. He broke up with his last gf about a month, 1.5 months ago, and since that time we've gone out a few times. The last two times have been really fun -- just gone out, had a couple (or more) beers, talked with friends, etc. Problem is that there's no real spark, at least not like the kind with PB. I like Runner Boy, I think he's relatively attractive, but the thought of (to quote myself) "being rabbits" with him just does NOT do it for me. Runner Boy is not the touchy-feely type whereas I am, and the only time he becomes very physically affectionate is after a few rounds at the bar. We've kissed a few times, usually upon saying goodnight from aforementioned drinking dates, but nothing more has happened, which is fine with me, after all, I have to work with him!

So I guess it boils down to this: Although nothing will likely develop with PB, the attraction we have between us is absolutely astounding. Should I expect the same kind of thing from Runner Boy? Runner Boy and I are farther apart in age and "level" (I'm 22 and getting my master's, he's 29 and working full-time where I work part-time) but we still have a good time together. Is there anything I can do to get the comparison between two different boys to stop? Because if I had to choose between the two, I don't know who I'd like more to be with, but I'm afraid to say PB. Is that wrong?

-- Ness

Dear Ness,

It's natural to compare the two, 'cause they're ... The Two. Like, the only two. But you don't need to, like, decide.. Not between them, anyway. PB is your PB who gives you that faraway frisson. Fine (though if you really don't want to put the energy -- money? -- into it, don't call so much, maybe? Time change, schmime change). Runner Boy is a guy at home who ... [whom] you don't like that much. Oh, well. Unrelated. So, if you're not feelin' it, say Goodbye, Runner -- and Hello, Sailor to the next guy who really does it for you. At home.

Love,
Breakup Girl

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