< PREVIOUS LETTER   ||   NEXT LETTER >
 

Dear Breakup Girl,

I recently ended a relationship of seven years; we lived together 3.5 years. I am now 26 years of age and my ex is 29. I left him for various reasons, we had grown apart and he was very financially unstable. He owes me $2300 dollars on my credit cards and I left all of my furniture since I felt bad about leaving so suddenly. I am now feeling worried that I am going to get completely screwed, e.g. will never get the money back. The furniture is not so important to me. However, I have the opportunity to go to graduate school at UCSD in molecular pathologyin fall 1999. If I did this I wouldn't be able to pay off the $2300 before school starts. I am considering selling all of my furniture that is at the house to get a few hundred dollars so that the debt can be partially paid. I have also considered taking the computer that he bought with the money he owes me. I do not really want the computer, I want the money. I am afraid that taking the computer would make him so angry I will get no money at all because he wouldn't pay me and I could only sell it for about $700. What do you think I should do?

-- Financially Challenged Girl

Dear FCG,

In a sense, it's easier when it's this much money, because there's really no way anyone can claim that you're being petty, unreasonable, or nickel/dimey: it's a lot of cash; you need it back. Fair and square. Actually, it's not even cash, is it? You're incurring a ton of interest, aren't you? Yikes. Okay.

Now, I don't know exactly how you're going to pull this off, but don't you dare not go to grad school over this. Again, if you can handle molecular pathology (and if you measure your relationships using decimals), then you can handle: crafting a payment plan for both of you. The furniture/computer capers are penny-wise, pound-foolish, I think. See a financial planner who specializes in credit card debt if you must (it costs, I know); given how much people usually incur, this one should be cake.

Now, I know, after all that, it's not about the math. It's about the aftermath. I mean, have you discussed this straightforwardly with your ex at all? Start there. Make it about numbers, not feelings. At least when you talk to him. But if you're going to "feel" about it on your own, "feel" about it this way: If one of the reasons things fell apart was that he was financially stable -- and if you still feel bad about leaving him suddenly -- then consider that the best way to "help" him is to give him this tough-love opportunity to get his money act together. And the best way to help yourself is to quit feeling bad about claiming what's yours. Your money, your sofa, your degree, whatever. It's yours. Go get it.

Love,
Breakup Girl

< PREVIOUS LETTER   ||   NEXT LETTER >