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Dear Breakup Girl,

I recently got back from a wonderful, warm, beautiful all-expenses-paid 10-day cruise with my friend and her family. On aforementioned cruise, I fell for the waiter. not good, I know, but who cares? It isn't as if I was ever going to see him again. Oh BG, pretty boy (PB) does not even do justice to the beauty of this boy!! But I digress. Knowing that there are rules and regulations that prevent mingling of crew and guests, I figure harmless flirting would not do any harm. Mistake #1.

Fast-forward to day 5 of the cruise. PB tells me he has off for breakfast and lunch the next day (unusual). So I casually say we should get together, KNOWING we can't. It's one of those flippant things you say to someone -- yea, lets get a drink sometime, or go get coffee [!!! -- BG], etc. You'd like to do it but you don't really expect it to happen. Well, he comes over to my room that night, and we end up being...well, rabbits. PG stayed for about 5 hours -- we apparently woke up my "family" next door (they didn't mind). This beyond astounded me -- I am NEVER the one to get the guy, and I am certainly not the type of girl who just randomly sleeps with people. I've had sex with one other person in my life, and that was a %R&*#% ex that I was engaged to a few years ago. But I digress. we'll just leave it at the fact that it was extremely out of character for me.

PG and I start hanging out at ports when he has off for lunch (almost every port) and he makes it a point to call me at night to talk (we usually talk for about an hour a night, so he gets 4 hours of sleep before he gets up to work).

Now I know I'm probably falling for all the usual lines and tricks of the trade...but there are a few things that make it seem a little different. PB was very upfront about how many times he had done/has done this before after working for this cruise line for 3 years (5); PB made an effort to try and keep in touch with me when he was working -- telling me to come see him during lunch/meals (assigned seating); PB made an effort to get me to his room one night so we could see one another in person; PB always asked how I was doing; PB gave me his address both in Miami (base for cruise line) and in his homeland (including phone number) and swore he he would write back (time will tell -- I have yet to meet a boy who's mastered the trick of pen on paper). PB also said he wanted me to come visit him in aforementioned homeland.

Now, realistically, I'm sure he's covering his butt, but I don't see the need for ALL of the above to occur to cover himself! I'd love to believe that some of this guy's intentions are good...it's now been about a week and a half since I got back -- he would have received a letter today (they hit port today)...so here's the real issue, BG. Common sense -- covering his butt, feeding me lines, feeding my small and undernourished self-esteem and confidence. And yet I can't help shake that darn dangling string of Hope that maybe it wasn't just another night. Why can't I let it go to just a good night? Why am I holding on so tightly to this small shred of hope? Or even better, WHY am I obsessing about it so much? Probability is that I won't see him again, and I know that...but I still can't get him out of my mind. BG, what can I do to get PG *out* of my head!?

-- Ness

Dear Ness,

As all-too-readily as we find ourselves saying, "Wow, that vacation seems so far away right now; it's like I never left," well, when there's a Boy involved, those memories cling close and vivid.

And what's happening with you, my dear, is that what you left in San Juan is not so much your heart, but rather your pride . You said it yourself: this was not like you. And yet you feel like you should have known better. You are thinking: Cute waiter. SS Dirty Dancing. DUH.

But Ness, so what? Sounds to me like you had a Great Fling. You may have awakened your friends (oops), but you didn't (as far as I know) blow them off just for a little somethin'-somethin' on the Libido Deck. You didn't, like, miss the Louvre when you snuck down to the galley. And all that solicitous stuff he did -- don't take it as an indication of Something More; why not treat him as a flinger who -- unlike most -- treated you fine?

So: no need to get him out of your head, Ness. Just get off your own case. Also, try this lifejacket on: it wasn't just a vaca thing. As in: you don't have to go on a cruise to feel that good.

Love,
Breakup Girl

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