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SEVERAL SHOUT OUTS!

Remember: As to the opinions expressed in all Shout-outs, Breakup Girl is not necessarily endorsing; she is simply thought-provoking and sharing.

For Infinite Deep (and BG) from Nick:

So he sent them balloons. I have to ask this -- what kind of a guy is he? Some guys, of which I am one, will do things like that for friends, especially friends that are going to be "alone" on Valentine's Day. Is he that kind of guy? Would he give a rose to a female friend just because he wanted to tell her that he considered her to be a valuable friend? My ex-girlfriend got really angry when I started doing things like that, but then she realized that it was perfectly platonic, and she learned to accept it. Maybe he was the same way, too?

BG responds: Your call, Infinite.

From Sunset to Donna:

Hey, Donna, are you absolutely sure that you're not trying to have your cake and eat it too? As in, do you keep Andy around, have/let him throw his arms around you in public, because it sort of like a pretend not-so-ex-boyfriend? If so, you need to take a couple of steps back from your "great friendship" before you hookup with someone else. Especially since that sort of thing is really, really likely to cause problems in a new relationship. Also, you have never actually been on a date with Matt, right? Now, I'm sure that he's fun/wonderful/great guy, but I would be cautious about deciding that you "seriously would like to marry Matt." Wow. Also, "He's everything (you) want in a man"? That's a lot of pressure to put on the little guy. You're just nineteen, sweetie. . .give it a little time before you decide that you've met the perfect man to marry.

From La Ingra for El Duderino:

Sounds to me like you're throwing away a chance at love because you are afraid to be vulnerable, afraid of rejection. If someone has touched you where no one has, that sounds pretty much like love. If you don't give yourself a chance to feel it, you'll never know.

And from "Anonymous..."

This is a shout-out to El Duderino, he of the prose so purple that even The Artist might shun to wear it...Dude, you can dress up your method of dumping women with all the lacy verbiage you want, but you are never going to be able to commit to a woman until you stop using this business about your father as an excuse not to glue yourself to any woman who is less than what you think of as "perfect." What, you're saying you already know that? Well, maybe you do, in your intellect, but in your heart you just can't stop using the ordinary, average, "nice girls" to warm your bed (how conveeenient) and then dumping 'em when you start to "see your unborn children in her eyes" and all that Bryan Adams crap. Well, if there's an ordinary average nice girl who really does have eyes you see your unborn children in, and yet you still dump her because you are waiting for Ms. Perfect who is the envy of all the other guys...well, fine, go ahead, be a dissatisfied user all your life. But before you do, imagine yourself at age 60 telling your sad, sad tale (with all the requisite poetic embellishments) to every toothsome 20-year-old who approaches your favorite bar. "...And that's why I never got married or had a family," you will sigh, and chances are they (being the polite young women they are) will nod obediently, smile politely, and as soon as you are safely taking a break the men's room shake their lovely heads and say to the bartender "Sheesh, what a loser!" And what's worse, the bartender will CHUCKLE.

Why? Because maybe he has a wife who looked a lot better decades ago, and kids whose adult foibles are driving him crazy (the oldest girl is engaged to an unemployed actor, the oldest boy is flunking out of college, etc.), he's still got a few years on the mortgage and the car needs to go into the shop. But by Jove, he's LIVING. Not just sitting around writing fluffy epistles about why he can't get up and get on with it. That's why he and the blonde 20-year-old are laughing.

Think. Do you want that to be YOU? Really? If not, better stop making excuses and start making some tracks in the direction of a relationship with someone who won't be perfect, no way--but she'll be perfect for YOU. And that's all that's going to matter--or should. To anyone.

Oh, and you might want to give some semblance of a relationship with your father one more crack before it's too late. I did--and I was in your shoes--and I am glad I did. Now the chief frustration of my life is that last year I fell for someone who was only beginning to get close to me when he suddenly gave a mighty shove and pushed me away. And something tells me that my "duderino" is also using HIS nonexistent relationship with HIS father as his excuse...and isn't even conscious of it.

What can I say, except "Excuses, excuses."

Wouldn't you rather have a life, instead of a lot of excuses for why you don't?

And for El Gato from Camille:

Aw c'mon now, El Gato! Who are ya foolin' with that "nuthin' to do in Seattle" talk? If you'll forgive me for sayin' so, it sounds like more like a combo of the winter blahs and feelin' sorry for yourself to me. I oughta know, I wrote the book! I moved to Seattle three years ago from the Midwest thinking, "there's SO much to do here! I'll have tons of friends and be whooping it up in no time!" Wrong.

Like anything else, it takes time. I'm a very social person, and I was here over two years before I really started to feel like I had a base of friends and a life.

So, a couple of suggestions. One: open your eyes and look around! You like Shakespeare? This town is PACKED with theatre, big 'uns, small 'uns, silly 'uns, serious 'uns. You like surfing? Try the peninsula! (In better weather.) And BG is right, think about trying other outdoorsy stuff. Hiking, for example. The Sierra club is a good place to start if you don't have any friends into it yet. It doesn't cost anything, and you can start with easy day hikes, meet people, learn more, and PRESTO! you've got a nearly unlimited pool (have you ever noticed the size of the REI camp/hike/climb/etc.etc.etc. store out here?) from which to draw fit and interesting friends and lovers. I mean SOMEONE has got to be buying all that stuff!

Two: try picking up "The Stranger." Or visit their site (not as good as the actual paper) at www.thestranger.com. It's chock full of the current weeks happening's in and around the city. Live music, readings, theater, festivals (and BOY do we get a lot of those in the summer) and there's even a personals section which I and several of my friends have been known to try from time to time. True, I did meet some duds, but I also met a lot of nice guys (of course ya gotta be smart about screening people!) There's even an "other" section where people place ads just to find friends who like to do the same stuff they do. I've even seen ads from people (usually from New York) who want to organize a weekly coffee just to sit around and complain about Seattle and reminisce about NY!!!

So. I know it's tough, especially with the dark, grey days and all the WIND (an unusual amount this year) of late. It makes it hard to get motivated to even give a rats ass let alone MOVE your ass. But maybe resolve to try something new once a weekor so? Yes, you may be going by yourself for a while (ugh) BUT! soon you'll meet people who want to do more than hang out in bars who will introduce you to other people who want to do more than... well, you get the picture. Good luck!

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