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Dear Breakup Girl,

I'm 16 years old, and I think I have already met the boy I could love. I'm not in love, but I know that if we were together, I could love him with all my heart. The clincher: he's not interested in me at all, and has already forgotten all the "important" things that have happened between us.

Let me rewind to a year and a half ago when I met "Gavin." We got to know each other over the summer, and I came to realize how funny and sweet he was, and that I loved spending time with him. He was unbelievable. And I do not fall in love easily. I've had at least three crushes before, but you know it's not real if you don't get all upset when you realize it's not going to happen.

Well, the first year, I was too scared to do anything about it. He's 18, so I felt kinda intimidated. The problem was, he would badmouth me behind my back. Of course, I would hear this and cry, wondering why, oh, why is he talking about me like this? And just when I was on the verge of convincing myself to get over him, he would be all flirty and mushy and sweet, so, of course, I would be hooked. That happened countless times. I know you must be thinking,"that boy was just messing with her head, that little flirt." I do not think this is the case, because before I pursued him, he had no other past relationships; not a very vocal person on how he felt about girls. I suppose this is a huge reason why things started going so wrong.

Anyway, after about a year, I decided to make a move: I kissed him. We actually had this very intellectual, honest (at least I thought it was), sincere talk on where we thought we stood and how we felt about each other. He proceeded to tell me that he's always liked me, he just didn't know what to do about it. He said, "I just don't think right now I could give you the relationship you deserve. But I'm not saying it won't happen, I'm just not ready." Cuddling followed for two hours afterward. BG, he seemed so sincere. I was sure he was honest, you could see it in his eyes. He was so compassionate and intense about all he said. He also said he was so glad that I kissed him.

Anyway, two weeks later, I found out that he met some skank and that they were dating. Great, so, what he meant to say was that he wasn't ready for a relationship with me! I absolutely broke down. He had made me cry before, but nothing like this. I kept thinking,"I care about him so much, but if he can make me hurt so badly, why am I still attached to him?" Needless to say, they have broken up, but now things are worse. Since the kiss, he hasn't looked at me or spoken to me -- not once! It is so hard seeing him in school. I have this feeling that I can't get over him -- like it is against the laws of physics.

I know you are going to tell me it is just puppy love and it will pass, but the feeling is so intense and strong, that I can't let go. I think I could love this boy. My devotion to him is making me blind to other guys, coming to the same conclusion: they aren't Gavin. Even if I did somehow date a great guy, I know I would still be thinking of Gavin. I know in my heart we need to be together. I know this is real.

Does this sound crazy? I had so much faith in him in the beginning, that I threw myself completely and entirely into this "relationship" which is probably why I am having such a hard time now. I am too much of a dreamer. Despite how terrible things have gone, and how hopeless it looks, I still have this neurotic idea that we will somehow end up together. I do. I can't accept the fact that I must move on...

What should I do? Is there any way this relationship could happen? Why did he do what he did? Please help me, BG!

-- An Elephant Never Forgets

Dear AENF,

Oh, sweetie! You won't catch me dismissing this as "puppy love," 'cause I've got a different definition for that. What, after all, is more intense than the way we love our pooches?

But I also have some other, less warm/fuzzy, definitions for you.

1. If you think you are "made for each other," but the other person does not, then, by definition, you are not.

2. When someone says "I cannot give you the relationship you deserve," they are, by definition, correct.

So why can't you make your love go away? Because, yeah, speaking of physics, that would be like turning matter into antimatter. Because this guy had you going for a long, long time. Because you're still running on that all-powerful taste of honey and the hurt that came after. Because everything that didn't happen keeps you rewinding and replaying, thinking, "If only" and"What if?" Because you have to see him every freaking day.

So yeah, even I can see that you need to let go. For whatever lame, un-American reason, he is not able to come through for you in consistent, respectful ways -- and for BG, that's against the laws of fun, rewarding relationships. But how to let go? Let yourself let go, one little step in the hallway at a time. It will not happen by Thanksgiving break, but you can do it -- especially when you keep in mind that it's NOT against the laws of physics to be over someone AND wish you didn't have to be. So: don't look for him to avoid you; avoid him. Don't test your interest against guys who don't interest you; wait for one who does, and you'll fall for that puppy with the speed of light.

Love,
Breakup Girl

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