< PREVIOUS LETTER   ||   NEXT LETTER >
 

Dear Breakup Girl,

Hello again! I've got a couple of new twists (to me, at least) on what seems like a run-of-the-mill "job for TGATEOTB."

Here goes: I worked at Central Perk again for a while this past summer. I met one of the regulars. We'll call him "Joe." Idle chitchat while I refilled his coffee progressed into long, deep conversations, walks along the pier after the beach closed, and drinks at Cheers. We found ourselves talking frequently about "what I like in a relationship," you know, "in theory," as it were. But it seemed clear to me that we were talking about ourselves/each other. Once, in the middle of one of those conversations, a mutual friend walked up to us and blurted out, "Why haven't you two done it yet?!?" I turned bright red, while he explained to her that we were enjoying each other's company.

Then one evening, Joe tells me that he's so absorbed in his job (an Internet startup, of which he is one of the founders) that he is unable to concentrate on anything else. So he said he wasn't planning on having any relationships at all for about six months. That was early August. I had just finished my masters and was trying to start my music career, and was happy just being friends, because he's really, really cool. As in: our talks feel like we're in some kind of "zone," like we really get each other.

I went away for three weeks. When I first saw him after getting back, he was having a really bad night, but was clearly happy to see me. He promised to call or e-mail as soon as he could get his head above water. Two days later, out of the blue, I was offered a job playing in an orchestra in Mexico. I went down there for four weeks, and was offered a contract. I had less than a week back in Chicago to clear out my apartment, then I had to go back again. I saw Joe once at Cheers, and he was again very happy to see me and very congratulatory. He insisted that he kept meaning to write, if he ever had the slightest moment free. (I had e-mailed him a couple of times while I was gone.)

(Side note: when he says "I'll call you," I don't feel I'llcallyoued. Even when he doesn't call or write. He's sincere, but very busy, and we both know that we both know that.)

I think there's a good chance that, if we are able to be in the same place when things start to settle down for him, then something really good could happen. I'm not going to hold my breath until then, but I'm also not going to discount a really wonderful man who seems like a great match for me, just because he's not here-and-now.

Am I a fool to be holding out hope, even if I'm allowing myself to look around at the same time? Is it advisable, or even necessary, to tell him how I feel now, or closer to the six-month mark, so that he knows I'd like to give us a shot? I'm assuming he knows how I feel, but it might not hurt for him to hear it from me in so many words.

If you can help me figure this one out, I'll be truly grateful.

-- Optimist

Dear Optimist,

Oooh, Mexico! Que padre! ("Cool!" You'll need to know that.)

Now, I'm not really clear on the timing -- how long will you be down there? -- but he did give you his six-month Compartmentalization Alert, so there's that. So in the meantime, sure, you should multitask. As long as the hope makes you happy, hold it out -- but definitely keep looking around (on both sides of the border), too.

This also means I don't think it's necessary for you to confess your feelings...yet. I bet you'd like to try and leave some sort of "SOLD" sign on him, just in case, but I'm not convinced you're gonna blow some major never-again chance. Either he meant it as the kind of hint you don't want to hear -- oof! -- or he really [thinks he] means it about the six months -- in which case, there you go. Still, if you'd like to take the flirting up a notch before you go, be my guest; let him wonder/miss you.

Also, before you go? Tell that friend of yours to keep his/her piehole shut in public. Caramba!

So, buen viaje. Write when you're back. (Why do I have this feeling it'll be about yet another muchacho?)

Love,
Breakup Girl

NEXT LETTER:
"The guy I'm madly in love with is finally single and interested, but still in need of serious recuperation!"