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Dear Breakup Girl,

I'm a 29-year-old guy who was in a month-long relationship with this 25-year-old girl. She rocked my world until one day, she broke my heart and told me we couldn't date anymore. She said that I was not "sarcastic" enough, and that I was too sentimental.

What gives? What is this sarcasm BS? It takes more than one month to get to know someone and put a label on them. Plus, I don't think that sarcasm is healthy in the long run. Too many people are watching TV shows like "Seinfeld." Whatever...

-- Broken Heart Man

Dear Broken Heart Man,

Oh sure, that's a perfectly valid "explanation" for a breakup. Okay, sorry, I'm being sarcastic.

Well, only partly. Now remember, BHM, when people break up with people, they don't know what to say. They know that they "owe" the dumpee an explanation but often don't have one themselves. Especially, heck, after only a month. Usually, it's just a feeling...that the FEELINGfeeling isn't strong enough. And is not gonna be. So they pretty much speak breakupese, for which there is no grammar nor phrasebook. So you can't necessarily take a dumper at their every, literal, word.

That said, she did actually manage to be more specific than most. And I sorta sense what she's talking about, even if she was just flailing for...something semi-concrete. (Don't worry, I'm not siding with her; just trying to shed some light for you.) Sure, maybe it's total breakup filler, but maybe she just means your conversational/world-view styles don't mesh, that she's just not up for some mixed marriage of Goth and Goofy, of Brooder and Bright Side. Her choice; her loss. That help?

And by the way, I hear you about Seinfeld, or it least what it represents: that ironic-for-its-own-sake, self-referential, too-cool-for-school, "fun and happy things depress me" attitude. In fact, BG once had a long conversation about that very topic with Shaun Cassidy, which is another story (sentimental). Yeah, over it. So chalk this one up to, "Oh, GREAT!" (sarcastic), nurse your wounds, and take the next girl to see "Pay it Forward."

Love,
Breakup Girl

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