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Dear Breakup Girl,

I met this girl I really like. She is all the things I have been asking for in a woman except one thing: she's fat.

I'm not talking a little bit overweight. I have no problem with an extra 20 or 30 pounds. But this girl is obese. She is at least 100 pounds overweight.

I met her on the Internet and had no idea what she looked like before we met. When we met I felt bad; I still liked her and we still had good conversations, but I was put off by her weight. We had sex, but I felt uncomfortable with it.

Now what do I tell her? "I'm sorry, I really like you. But you're fat. So forget it."

-- Shallow in Seattle

Dear Shallow in Seattle,

Well. Hey. If you're not attracted, you're not attracted. Of course, of course, it really, really Shouldn't Be that a large number of people tend to be less attracted to their large counterparts. It really shouldn't be. It is bad and wrong and it sucks. But still. You do have to be attracted. There does have to be at least lust-lite to start; otherwise you'd be...friends. If that. So. I would reeeeeeeeally love it if you'd "give it a chance," especially since you say this is the "'one thing" that's stopping you. But if it's too late/impossible, well, I can't force you. What, I'm going to tell you to date her to make a point?

That said, you're gonna wish this line were "Love, Breakup Girl," because you are so not off the hook.

Hey: the shallow part isn't not liking her, it's sleeping with her. What were you thinking? That you "should?" That you could? Eeuw, whatever.

Thing is, in doing so, you lost your chance to:

a) spare 20 to 30 pounds of her feelings

b) see if your feelings would lustify by virtue of getting to know her better

c) vanish politely and vaguely into the shadows

d) leave her resenting you maybe a little less. Assuming she LIKElikes you and isn't just giving the skinny guy a chance.

So what do you tell her? Your basic unavoidable cliches. "I don't see this working out in the long term." "I just don't think it's a happening thing." Yadda yadda. Best/nicest you can do. Yeah, you'll feel uncomfortable and sound lame. Oh, well.

And moving forward? If weight is that much of a dealbreaker, then control for it by using delightful euphemisms, such as "slim," in your personal ads. But plan on missing out on at least 100 amazing women every time.

Love,
Breakup Girl

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