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Dear Breakup Girl,

I am in desperate need of some help. Lives hang in the balance. I have spent the last couple weeks talking to a girl online, on the phone, flirting etc. I went along under the premise that she said she was cute... she was fun to talk to as well. But, she sent me some pics in the mail and... whoa! She ain't so cute, at least I don't think so. What should I do? She obviously wants me to tell her how beautiful she is and all that. Should I tell her the truth? Say the pics never arrived? We chat almost everyday, and soon I'm going to have to say something.

-- Should Have Looked Before I Leapt

Dear Should Have Looked,

Oh dear.

Step one: Pick a specific feature and compliment that. "Excellent smile," "Your hair looks really soft," etc. (Something about her. Not, like, "Sharp focus!")

Step two: Meet her, assuming you're nearby and that you two were heading that way anyway. Well (barring the distance), even if you weren't. Seeing --
and LIKEliking -- definitely adds a legit 3rd-D to a heretofore flat picture. You at least owe her the in-person chemistry test. If you've gotten along this well as virtual strangers, which is not easy, then heck, you owe yourself that chance, too.

But if she still doesn't flash your bulb, then, well, I guess you can't force something to develop. And you'll have -- arguably -- a less harsh reason to bail. That you had this spark online but for whatever go-figure reason can't make the leap to IRL. Not just -- as she could otherwise surmise -- that you just tossed her headshot in the slush pile like a Hollywood producer trolling for a type.

OR

Step two, alternate. Could be less harsh the other way around. Could be that you fudge the photo thing and just let communication slide, or snip her gently
out of the picture with no hint whatsoever about cause and effect. Be careful, but it's your call.

Step three. Keep in mind that everyone will say they're catch-all "cute" (unless they say they're a "haggard beast," which is not recommended) — and
in BG's world, they are. If you must, avoid this pickle by searching singles' sites that include pix. But do make sure that when it comes to pictures, you allow yourself to see whole ones.

Love,
Breakup Girl

 
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