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Dear Breakup Girl,

Here's my response to your column about dishing one's LIKElike. If the answer is "no" -- take it seriously.

I had a guy ask me out. It was very cute and flattering. Well, I have a boyfriend, so of course I told him no, but as he needed friends, I did offer to let him join us in different social settings. About six weeks later, he's off working at a camp and gets drunk and e-mails me, spilling the beans in a much more personal and uncomfortable way. Suddenly, I'm some sort of goddess in his mind; not at all the normal, faulted, person that I really am.

What can I say that won't be too rude? I wonder if I shouldn't have been so cordial, but I know in my heart of hearts that I was not doing anything to lead him on, even if he may have gotten that impression. Could you shout out some guidelines? Thanks!

-- Girlospam

Dear Girlospam,

Yes. Avoid getting drunk and sending indelicate e-mails to the taken person who already said a cordial "no." Oh wait, that's the other person. But see, I guess my point is that the best you can do is to be both cordial, yes, and clear. It's not your responsibility to make sure the other person is always clear-headed after you do so.

So just let the e-mail go (he'd probably just as soon you did, anyway). If he brings it up again, just repeat yourself briefly, cordially, but a tad more firmly. Offer no new peg for his hope, hopped-up or otherwise.

As for the askers, once is fine if you fit this picture. Twice is fine if you reeeeeally fit that picture and there are no extant pictures of the askee and his/her adoring partner. And in general, just try to spill beans and drinks in separate places.

Love,
Breakup Girl

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