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Dear Breakup Girl,

Remember that new boy? I asked a few of our mutual friends for the dish on him (let's call him Aaron), and they all said that he's not looking to date, that he's wary because he's gotten more attention this year than ever, and that he's too insecure to believe that someone would actually be interested, so he doesn't know what to think. My own observations indicate that he wants to be friends, but probably not more. I'm okay with that and really would like him as a friend.

But in the past, I've caused myself problems by trying to convince myself that I was okay with being friends when I really wanted more. (We could discuss my current roommate situation...). If only I could purge the feelings that make me want to stare into Aaron's eyes/run the other direction.

So, how do I chill? (It's like you said when I was having issues with Ben -- saying "I'm not going to worry about the Aaron thing" is really the same as worrying about the Aaron thing.) How do I put away the idea that relaxing around him might be just the thing to spark his interest... which just gets me all stupid again?

--Optimist

Dear Optimist,

Why focus so much on getting over him? As you pointed out that I pointed out, sometimes doing that is the same as...not.

Instead, ask yourself: Which hurts worse, space, or hope? If you try the latter and it harshes your mellow, then (since, ahem, you don't live with him) you can always change course on the fly for the former. And if you do that, how to not worry about missing some chance? Just consider that as far as anyone knows, he gets interested when ignored. You never, ever, can tell.

Meanwhile, do your best to hold yourself to your handle, Optimist. See, you expect the worst of these boys: that you have to get them to like you. I'd opt to think that the next one will come to you when he wants more.

Love,
Breakup Girl

 
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