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Dear Breakup Girl,

So it's Monday night and I can't decide between reading your new book and reading your new column, but I can't concentrate on either because I have a BURNING QUESTION: Breakup Girl, it's a NEW BOY!!!!

Just when I thought I'd seen 'em all at this few-hundred-student music school I attend, I saw HIM. YUM!! I'd seen him around before because he's friends with a lot of my friends, but I'm not on campus that frequently, so I haven't spent much time with him. So I'd seen him, but then one day I SAW him. And immediately started grilling my stand-partner (one of the aforementioned mutual friends) about him. I finally got to talk to him for a few minutes tonight -- among a group of people -- and the sparks were a-flyin'! My heart is aflutter! I can't stop grinning stupidly! Ah, to be young and foolish!

So my main question is the usual: how to proceed? I have two main concerns. First, there aren't very many attractive, single, straight men at my school. Fewer still who are over the age of 22 (I'm 25). Like, he might be the only one. Which means, of course, that I'm not the only one who's noticed him. He seems mostly unaware of his popularity (which is cute!), and I know I'm totally worthy of being the one to "win" him, but I don't like thinking about it that way. And I don't like feeling like every other chica who LIKElikes him will be watching my every move with bright green eyes.

Second, according to our mutual friends (who have been duly interrogated on the subject), he's not one to make the first move. And in fact, he's told them that he's loath to date within the music school because it's so small and rumors are so prevalent. And when it's up to me to make the first move, well, I have a tendency to be overaggressive and send boys running away screaming (metaphorically). So how do I (a) make a gentle first move, and (b) indicate that I'd be happy to stay out of the public eye, at least for now, so that *fewer* rumors will get started? Please help, BG! This boy is SO yummy, (and he's smart and athletic and funny) and I DESERVE this!

-- Optimist

Dear Optimist,

Guess we can rule out your saying something like, "How about we have breakfast together in the main dining hall, and I'll wear your varsity jacket?" That said, I bet you've got more leeway than you think. First of all, unless you live in the Blue Lagoon, worrying about the green-eyed "competition" is part of the, um, "fun" of having a crush on someone. Second, well, you do imply that you don't live on the mainland (campus). Perfect! The ideal place for rumors not to get started. You're afraid you send boys running? Confront your fears literally: invite him to play frisbee ... off-campus! Or something else fun -- and out of the way -- like that. If he really seems to have a problem with this alleged rumor whirlpool, that would suggest to me that either (1) he is not prepared to date in public at all, which is a bit unrealistic or (2) er, he likes you, but he doesn't LIKElike you. In any case, you should both be advised that humans -- not to mention The Truth -- have only so much control over gossip in the first place. The grapevine is annoying, but it shouldn't choke one's social life. Hey, if they're gonna talk anyway, you might as well give them something to talk about.

Love,
Breakup Girl

 
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