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Dear Breakup Girl,

First I want to say thanks, as your book got me through my first big trauma-inducing breakup.

Now, there's just one more thing... I broke up with my fiancé/boyfriend of four and a half years about two months ago. I am doing well, all things considered -- dating and having fun.

But since I've been out of the loop, I don't know how to treat sex. It seems like everyone in New York City has sex after their third date. And I have major mixed feelings.

One half: HUH? SEX after your THIRD DATE?! HELLO HIV!!! HELLO HEARTBREAK!!!

The other half: Jenn, you are just being prudish and stupid. People have sex all the time, just use a condom and get over it!

So which half do I follow? And please don't write something like, "Jenn, your first half is right, follow your heart, yadda yadda yadda," because my second half really is speaking up loud enough to be heard. So, help?

--Jenn

Dear Jenn,

Not so fast -- there are more halves to consider.

1. The other half of the "couple." Um, do you dig him? Do you actually want to sleep with him, or do you just not want to be prudish and stupid? The latter, as reasons to have sex go, is half-assed.

2. The other half of the date. The after-sex part. You and all that he's-pretty-great and all those gimlets may have answered "YES!" to the first question, but that was in the dark. Yes, you want to have sex with him, but will you want to have had sex with him? Are you ready for the after-algebra (so many new variables!), the cab ride to East Skulk, the Morning Boyfriend, the Scarf Syndrome? You may well be! Which would be a good sign! But I'm just checking.

3. The full half of the glass. I've heard tons of lusty anecdotes about meant-to-be(d) couples who hit the sack the first night and left only to register for new linens. I have no doubt about/problem with that. But if (for the above concerns or others) you have, on any given night, then you might want to wait. And why not? You'll get there. Wanting to, reeeeally wanting to, is half the fun.

Love,
Breakup Girl

PS Yay on the book! You're welcome! Thank you!

 
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